Stamped: June 22nd, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: dating hijinks, get rich quick schemes, neuroses.
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I have never been one for the pursuit. I have a horrible habit of doing just the opposite of that which I desire, exercises in restraint if you will. I have mastered the disinterested look and made it into a fine art. You may look at me and think, 'she's looking right through me, am I chopped liver?'. But you're not chopped liver, in fact you're probably as scrumpious as a bag of O-R-E-Os…but goddamn if I'm gonna let on.
Apparently this plan is not working out so well for me.
It doesn't get me dates. It doesn't get me looks. I don't even get hollers from the construction workers.
So I've come up with a new plan. We'll call it the Proactive Mind Bending Plan. Here's how it works: I'm going to stare at guys and fill my head with the most lascivious thoughts. Then I will beem those thought rays to my target. He will be over come with emotion and intense desire that he'll move in closer for inspection. At this point I'm not quite sure what happens but I figure I can wing it.
I tried it out on the subway this morning. The problem was that someone stood between us so my mind bending rays could not make a direct hit. It may have had a slight impact though. First of all, he got off at the same stop as me (coincidence?…no way), then he walked the same way as me for 3 blocks (I know, amazing!) and he practically bumped into me as he was turning the corner (crazy, huh?).
I've got to iron out all the details but once I do you'll be able to pick up the book on Amazon.
Last 5 posts by Meme
Exercises in Futility
I have never been one for the pursuit. I have a horrible habit of doing just the opposite of that which I desire, exercises in restraint if you will. I have mastered the disinterested look and made it into a fine art. You may look at me and think, 'she's looking right through me, am I chopped liver?'. But you're not chopped liver, in fact you're probably as scrumpious as a bag of O-R-E-Os…but goddamn if I'm gonna let on.
I think the best way to iron out the details is to print here on the blog all those thoughts, let’s make sure they’re good enough, and go from there.
Plan? PLAN.
Maybe what with the strong sun out here, the West Coast arm of the Proactive Mind Bending Plan works a little better. Course, that’s mean we’d have to get out of our cars and everything. I’ll let you know what happens.
Casey: Don’t forget to wear the ’special’ hat and belt, they increase those sexy little gamma rays.
I’m still working on the whole radiation bit, but until then here’s the official disclaimer: Use of Mend Bending Apparatuses have been shown to cause hair loss in mice and frequent nightmares for single women.
Pauly: you’re naughty