Stamped: July 14th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: around town, complaint dept..
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I live in what's dubbed as a Luxury building, this is confirmed by a placard on the exterior and the exorbitant rent. (Although being the savvy sort, and don't you dare tell my neighbors, I pay about $300 less then other people in the building.) The thing is, I'm not really sure if I have any neighbors at all. I see them outside, on the shuttle bus, in the gym and on the elevator. But I never ever see anyone in the halls. When you exit the elevator on the second floor there is an eerie silence. The walls have non-descript beige flowered wallpaper and matching slightly darker carpet. But never is there even a glimse of a neighbor. I have heard doors closing, but when I turn to look, nothing. Once I thought I heard some love-makin' next door but it was my TV.
Here's what I imagine is going on in those other apartments. Apartment 207: Empty aside from a family of small gnomes that live inside the walls. Apartment 204: Kept vacant solely for the purpose of afternoon trysts between the maintainance men and lonely housewives. Apartment 204: The Paraguyan Government's secret depository for its unclassified stash of pirate booty. Apartment 206: Rented by my mother with holes drilled in walls and cameras pointed into my apartment. Apartment 202: Top Secret laboratory studying the viability of dust bunnies as an alternative fuel source. And apartment 201: The Official Quiet Party headquarters.
That would explain it.
I'm heading over to 201.
Last 5 posts by Meme
♫ Won’t you be my neighbor ♫
Ooo, you lucky girl. I’ve always wanted to live in a luxury apartment. They always seem to be stuck in the 70’s. Do you have a doorman too? I think I might hire a guy to stand outside my building, call him Ralph, and make him tell me the same corny joke everytime I walk past him.
That photo comparison is enough to keep one up all night.
Lauren: I would put Ralph right outside my bathroom door, I love a good joke before I sit down and contemplate my future.
Croaker: Creepy, huh? I ought to let my son ride his bicycle up and down the corridor.
How did you manage the discounted rent?
Sig: Let’s just say, I’m a force to be reckoned with.
I used to live in my last apartment for seven years, so when the guy next to me moved in, he was paying $700 more! On the first day, he asked me, “Hey, neighbor, how much you payin’?” I didn’t want to tell him the truth. “I don’t remember… uh, it’s complicated… she owed me…uh…”
Weeks passed, and everytime I saw him, he would ask me, “How much you payin’?” Finally, I just told him. He laughed and said, “That’s great for you.” He went into his apartment and moved out the next day. My landlord raised my rent by $200 dollars the next month.
Neil: It’s a shame they let people like you and I around other people, they should just give us our cheaper rent and shoot us with tranquilizer guns.