Stamped: August 27th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: body parts, cry for help, dating hijinks, emergency.
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If you see me walking down the street please stop what you're doing, drop everything and give me your best, dirtiest, raunchiest one-liner. If we're out on a date, please interrupt my endless philosophical pontificating and tell me how much you'd like to lick me here and there. If I'm sitting across from you in the library, please oh please, undress me with your eyes. If you see me sitting on my balcony as you're coming home drunk from a bar, get down on your knees and profess your undying need to flip me about and show me how it's done. If I'm laying out in the park getting some rays, use your frisbee hitting me upside the head to start a conversation.
It would be best if you A. drool while talking to me, B. look me up and down constantly, C. let condoms fall out of your pocket while gesticulating wildly, D. make growling sounds between words, E. mention that you're disease-free while talking about politics, F. bring up the size of your member at least 10 or more times, G. drop coins in my cleavage and try to fish them out, H. use your best Barry White voice.
Do not under any circumstances A. think about spending the night, B. use pet names that don't include words such as hot, pussy, blow job queen, etc., C. make grand romantic gestures , D. ask me for my phone number.
Last 5 posts by Meme
Objectify Me, Please
I keep that in mind.
Wait. That post was meant to be ironic. Never mind.
so how was date #3?
Hurray for this post! I’m with you 100%.
It’s as if you took the words out of my own mouth.
I know I hate it everytime I go into Barnes and Nobles and all of the women at the chick-lit section are whistling at me as I pass them en route to the computer books.
“Hey, honey, what’s that your packing inside your pants — all of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood Books at once?”
It’s embarrassing.
I got to Supercuts for a trim and suddenly a feel a female hand feeling me down my back, and I hear a throaty Kathleen Turner-type voice saying:
“Never…and I mean never trim your back hair. That’s what a REAL man is supposed to have.”
It’s humiliating.
It’s especially bad since I moved to Los Angeles. I can hardly go shopping at Ralph’s Supermarket without some female “producer” offering me a part in her “low-budget” film she’s shooting in her apartment in the Valley.
I’m more than just a pretty face!
Meme, we have so much in common. When are others going to realize that we are human beings, not just sex objects!
By the way, that photo of you is incredibly hot!
yes, love the frisbee to the head. such a fucking turn-on.
And oh! Don’t forget that when you’re through with me, I’ve got a slew of friends, as well!