Put Your Best Foot Forward
Stamped: September 6th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: body parts, folklore, neuroses, shoes.
I studied folklore at Berkeley under a notorious Freudian professor. He has forever warped my mind. I have since been an avid collector of all objects of symbolic interpretation. My home and office are littered with varying icons. Take a moment and look at the image here. What do you think it means? Sure, it’s the virgin mary (and she’s glows in the dark). But why is she inside a shoe? According to my professor the shoe is symbolic for the female part. Hence the story, “There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children, she didn’t know what to do.” Trapped inside her ‘you know what’ with all those damn kids. Or what about Cinderella? The glass slipper. Glass being symbolic of virginity. If that’s the case, she lost more than her slipper that night at the ball. So, common knowledge is that men are obessed with their members, and objects of similar stature, but no one talks about women like Imelda Marcos…and there’s a lot of them out there.
My shoe dilemma is equally troubling. I am unable to commit to shoe purchases. Everytime I enter a shoe store I have such high hopes. I know the right shoe is in there and I just need to find it. I soon become overwhelmed. I always walk out empty-handed. It doesn’t help that when I ask to try on a size ten the salesmen turn me away. “I’m sorry, we don’t have them in your size.”
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i hear you. i tell myself if they don’t have my size - 9 or 9.5 - that i just wasn’t meant to have them. it just wasn’t on the cards for my feet to have cute shoes.
reverse psychology, in the end, does not work. having big feet is fucking depressing.
did he tell you to try Sears?
you know, i definitely read/heard somewhere that the average size shoe is NOT like 6…but much closer to 9.
fortunately, I am well proportioned…tall-ish, big hands, big lips, big nose. You know if I were a guy the chicks would be all over me.
I have the problem of buying shoes that are uncomfortable. I have no tolerance for foot pain. Even the pair of shoes I am wearing in this photo only saw the light of day once. Most of my shoes are near virgins. I swear by mother’s flip-flops. How sad.
Try being a size 14.
Actually, don’t. That’s more of a warning.
Justin: I’m free friday night
girls with little feet tip over easy. take heart.
I find the symbolism business disturbing. I bought a shoehorn yesterday. A big one - at least three feet long. What the hell’s this say about me? I thought it was just a damn shoehorn!
Dammit. I was going to make a smartass remark about having big feet keeps my big head from falling over and be all innuendo-ish, but apparently Justin beat me to it.
Finally, an explanation for this obsession with shoes. I mean, they’re just leather covers for your appendages, people. Why do you need so many? And why do they have to take up my side of the closet?
Oh Bill, Bill, Bill…sometimes a shoehorn is just a shoehorn…but just in case, get rid of it. It may be disturbing to the ladies if they see you need help getting into the shoes.
Keith: I think no less of you…but, what size do you wear??
JJ: Be afraid, be very afraid…pretty soon your whole house will be filled with the damn things.