Stamped: September 8th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: unfunny, work.

Bad Week, Part I has been kicking my ass all week long, which started on Sunday night when I was informed that I was to be one of twenty-two Executive Asisstants in Los Angeles working on a NATIONAL HOLIDAY. Bad Week, Part I continued on Monday as I sat my ass in my $1599.99 ergonomic ass-chair and didn't answer any phones because surprise surprise NO ONE WAS CALLING.

I was just getting peeved sitting there doing nothing all day so I decided to further put together my case against Enema B. by going through all her expense reports and decoding what she said the charge was for and what it really was for. Here's the skinny - Enema B. will go out to dinner with her friends (all from her East Coast "we stick together" college) and charge it to the company and then write the name of a client or a project that's currently in the works on the receipt so she doesn't have to pay for it. Enema B has been screwing the system like this forever and I always make note of the bitch and how much she's costing the company. Well, on Monday I decided to tally my handy-dandy kick-ass Excel spreadsheet and determined that Enema B's cheated the corp out of about $36,000 over the last year. That's a FUCKING SALARY people. There are people in New Orleans who could have used that friggin cash. Yet here we have bitch and her "business expenses" and she's getting away with it. The more I thought about it, the more I freaked out about it and the more I decided something had to be done about this crazy ho.

So I did it. I anonymously send my spreadsheet with a smart-ass note to her boss. I didn't fucking care because you know what — she shouldn't be getting away with it. Hell, I don't get to charge all my crap to the company so…

Bad Week, Part I began to escalate on Tuesday at around 2:30PM when Enema B was called into Big Boss Man's office and the two of them had what seemed to be a loooooong meeting. About 3:15PM, whats her face comes storming past my desk and screams for me to get into her office and slams the door behind us and she goes completely John Wayne Gacy on me. (NO clowns, but she was clownin'.)

Bad Week, Part II began at about 3:20PM when Enema B accused me of coordinating an attack on her image to Big Boss Man, to which she apparently talked her way out of and which I found a way to deny having anything to do with. But Enema B is a smart one and in the time she went to her fucking meeting she had some ass in I.T. go into the server and find the Excel file that I had anonymously sent to her boss. But, what the hell is she going to do, right? She can't vocalize to H.R. that I submitted her ILLEGAL CRIMINAL ACTS to the Boss Man. She can't do anything about it except be a bitch to me forever, which isn't that surprising or unexpected in the first place.

Apparently, according to my H.R. meeting that followed about 10 minutes later — she has been reporting my "less than stellar attitude" to H.R. repeatedly over the LAST SEVEN MONTHS and she is not pleased with my attitude and she has had it "UP TO HERE" with me and it is JUST NOT WORKING OUT. (Surprise, surprise.)

And so, just like that — Enema B. found a way to get rid of me before I could get rid of her.

I have a lot of time on my hands today — sitting on my ass in my not-so ergonomic chair, in my sweltering apartment sending out resumes and looking on Monster.com (which by the way is the most useless service on the face of the Earth). So, if you're in LA or something and you know of a non-bitch entertainment company Exec looking for a bitchy but qualified Exec Assistant — e-mail me at missy@girlspoke.com.

Yes, it is a FUCKING BAD WEEK. And you know what? If you can't handle the cursing, well…don't hire me.

Last 5 posts by Missy

• Possessiveness - September 5th, 2005
• Stank-Ass Matt - September 1st, 2005
• No, You May Not Suck My Toe - August 30th, 2005
• Bitch Has Claws And An Enema - August 26th, 2005