Stamped: September 14th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: complaint dept., dates of yore, dating hijinks, emergency, friends and losers, get rich quick schemes, girlfriend for a day, neuroses, what if?.
Similarly tagged posts
- Dates of Yore
- Let Me Explain...
- Girlspoke Dumping Service™
- Please Don’t Be Nice
- The Root of All Evil
- How are you? No really, how are you?
- Girlfriend for a couple of Days
- Girlfriend For A Day - The First Date
- Round Two...
- Girlfriend for a Day: The Hollywood Moment
- Mr. New York, Wherever You Are
- Are You My Future Husband?
- Complaint Department
- Not in My Panties
- Oy, My Tits!
- Rock 'N Roll High School
- Girlfriend For A Day
- My Mother Found My Website*
- Ice Ice Baby
- Exercises in Futility
- The Six Thirty Date
- Solution Blonde
- To The Guy Who Almost Broke My Rose-Colored Glasses
- my online dating man list
- GA
- My Playlist
- The Men in My life
- Oh, you
- Oh yeah? Fuck you too.
- Breaking News: Stupidity Abounds
- Best. Dating. Clubs. Ever?
- Lo's Church of Unattainable Men: Part Deux
- Vagina, I Curse Thee
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- To My Lovely Neighbor
- Yes, You Do Look Fat in That
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- Some days it doesn't pay to even get out of bed
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- Meme Supports Our Troops
- At the Playboy Mansion
- Summertime Blues
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- Speaking of Porn...
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- Let Me Explain...again.
- Flirting and the Days of Yore
- This could be your title, next to your name, with your picture!
- How (not) to...
- Happy Valentine's Day Bitches
- Girlspoke Guide to Birthday Gifts
- Let The Festivities Begin
- Scratching the Surface
- The 135th Post, Hoss
- Today's Post Will Have the Most Insulting Comments Ever
- Holiday Girlfriend for a Day
- Why I Hate You
- We are now entering the Doldrums
- Spank me, I'm a bitch
- Top Ten Tips to Getting Laid - A Beginner's Guide
- Put that on a Post-It, bitch.
- A Moment In Time
- Server Issues
- Confession of the Week
- Meme's Vacation
- Listen up Ladies
- And That, My Friend, Is All There Is
- Objectify Me, Please
- http://love.google.com
- Alone Together
- Riddle Me This
- And The Winner Is...
- Dreamin' a Dream of You
- the Alphabet can Be so Cruel
- I ♥ Nutella™
- Wild Abandon
- Exit My Life, Please
- I Hate Cupid
- A Momentary Lapse In Judgement
- Lying To The Girl You Fuck. Fa la la la la
- OK, She Fainted. Can We Move On Yet??
- Aghast at Abercrombie & Fitch
- Hold The Dirty Talk If You Want A Piece Of Me
- Confucius Says...
- Reader 'D' -- This One's For You
- losing my patience and my hard-on
- If I Had A Penis...
- My Milanese Life Obliterated
- Man And The Forbidden Pussy
- The Dating Ego
- My Waiting Room Epiphany
- NSA Sex and the Good Girl
- Jerk Off For Weight Loss?? My Ass!!
- A Thank You From My Ovaries And I
- lessons from the universe & screwing married men
- Update: Newsworthy?
- bullshit advice and the friends who give it
- The Real Purpose of Facebook
- Keep Your Enemies Close & Relatives Self-Contained
- At Least I'm Cute
- An Open Letter To The Bitch Who Recently Waxed My Brows
- this is my hangover post, dedicated to Dave Annable
- shouldn't be ashamed
- Commenter Appreciation Day!
- I (am falling out of) Love (with) NY
- Under heart-shaped pressure
- Have you seen this girl?
- What friends are for
- croutons and tequila, a story
- A Dish Best Served Cold
- Fuck Yeah 2007!
- Hell is for Children
- On leaving well enough alone
- those aren't freckles
- I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
- The Liquor House
- Hi, I'm Brandy Crawford.
- Intelligent Design?
- Invest in someone else's future
- Budget Vans are Funny
- Lo's Weekly Rant: I Call Bullshit.
- Yes, We Have No Bananas
- Separated at birth?
- Baby Jane gets laid
- Caption Contest! (Or, I've Got Nothing.)
- Christmas in September
- Children are the future (aka I think my ovaries just shrivelled up and fell off)
- Lo's Church of Unattainable Men
- Give me your best O face
- Lo's Weekly Sob Fest
- A Girl's Best Friend
- Lo's Weekly....Whatever.
- In the Woods
- How to Avoid Marrying Someone Just Like Yourself (and consequently, How to Avoid Marriage Altogether)
- Top Five People Screwing Up Girlspokia
- Girlspoke, Inc.
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- Who's Hot, Who's Not?
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- Motivate Me
- A debate yet to be debated
- All Points Bulletin - Girlspokers MIA
- Odd Female Behavior: The Bachelorette Party
- The Great Toxic, FEMA-damaged Cock Hunt
- Happy Birthday You Sexy Sexy Thing!
- The heart-shaped bed is getting crowded
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- If you knew Meme, like I know Meme (and Jenna and Lo and Casey and Betty)
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- Humpday Handouts
- So you think you know Meme?
- Girlspoke: Week in Review
- So..any lawyers out there wanna wine and dine me?
- A boy's just gotta be a girl
- The Girlspoke Pillow Fight™, May 2006
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- I Don't Get It
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- Bra Burning in 2006
- The New Urban Woman (NUW)
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- Dual Use Equipment
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- The Girlspoke DrunkCast™, The Delayed Cast
- Subway Rage
- Looking for a Few Good Boys
- There's No Place Like Home
- Lo's Weekly Rant
- It's All About Jenna
- Humpday Handouts
- Your Destiny, It is Written
- The Girlspoke DrunkCast™: The DumpCast
- To be single or not to be single
- Meme's Last Blog Will and Testament
- Why I ♥ you
- un petit amuse-bouch
- what they all have in common
- Fuck Me!
- Road Rage
- The perils of an American call centre girl in England
- Picture This!
- Today's Fictitious Conversation With My Non-Existent Boyfriend
- The wonderful thing about Tiggers
- What Were They Thinking?
- Horizontally Speaking, He's at His Best
- Put Your Best Foot Forward
- Possessiveness
- The Ass Files
- No, You May Not Suck My Toe
- Something you should know about me first
- My Sincerest Apologies
- The Days of Thongs and Roses
- Dinosaurs and Peaches* Redux
- My Ill-Shapen Malformed Ears
- Baby You Can Drive My Car
- Sometimes you feel like a nut...
- What If...?
- Zip Me Up, Zip Me Down
- All by myself...don't wanna be..all by myself
- Come on, hop in, you know you want to...
- Mannequin seeking LTR with SWF
- Shameless Self-Promotion
- ♫ Won't you be my neighbor ♫
- Confession of the Week
- The unwanted vs. the unloved
- Secret Crush of the Week - 2
- A single dad, a leaky boat and way too many mojitos
- Secret Crush of the Week
Today's installment of Ex-Girlfriend for a Day gives you a rare opportunity to know what it's like to have me for an ex-girlfriend. Much like the previous Girlfriend for a Day, you will have multiple packages to choose from. Feel free to mix and match. Custom packages will be quoted on a per package basis. Space is limited, so sign up soon!
1. Every 6 weeks Package: I call you every six weeks after we break up to say hello and pretend that we can still be cordial with each other despite the fact I royally screwed you over. $49.99
2. Still Talk to Your Mother/Sister Package: I remain in contact with your mother or sister, because they still believe I was the best thing that ever happened to you and you never should've let me go, and they fill me in on the juicy (or not so juicy) details of your life. They in turn tell you all about the fabulous new, hot, rich, well-endowed boyfriend I have now who just gave me a HUGE diamond ring from Tiffany's. $69.99
3. Drunken-Dialing Package: I call you while on a 'girls night out' after plowing 6+ tequila shots. I start by telling you how much I miss you and that I still love you then I go right in to the and you're an asshole for leaving me with a you make me fucking sick just for emphasis. $79.99 plus the cost of drinks.
4. Out on a Date Package: We run into each other both out on dates. Difference is that I look fan-fucking-tabulous and my date is ultra-hot, whereas you look like you haven't showered in a month and your date looks like something from the Addams Family. $59.99
5. The "You Will Never Date Anyone After Me" Package: Everytime you meet someone new I will call you up and profess my undying love for you, knowing full well that you still have feelings for me. You will break it off with the new one, come back to me, and then I will proceed to rip your heart into tiny little shredded pieces, once again. $99.99
6. Out-Of-Nowhere Package: I will leave a message on your voicemail and tell you that I have something important to talk to you about. You can hear a shrill scream in the background, and me saying "shush, be quiet" Counting backwards on your fingers you realize it has been about 9 months since you've heard from me. $149.99
7. The "Nowhere-To-Be-Found" Package: I never call you again. $5999.99
Last 5 posts by Meme
Ex-Girlfriend for a Day
That was funny. I think I’ve purchased these packages before from other people. I find your rates quite competitive.
perfect! god, women really DO do these things, without the pay. at least get paid!
I’ll be honest, I’m a bit disappointed in the selection. I was actually looking for a package that included the late phone call about the new boyfriend who “never talks to me, doesn’t understand me, like you do, has no interest in movies or books or anything interesting, like you do … but OHMYGOD! the sex is SO FUCKING INCREDIBLE!”
I was also hoping for something that included Gnocco Fritto. I mean, surely if you’re the ex-girlfriend, this would have been a significant part of the relationship?
I think you should speak to your marketing department. You may be missing a number of revenue-generating oppotunities.
Meme, I was all excited about the previous girlfriend-for-a-day business. But I’m going to have to skip this one. I already have way too much of these scenarios in my real life.
I was hoping at least for a “mercy” sex package - sort of the fling before you go marry your boyfriend/heart surgeon, but it seems to be already sold out.
I’m feeling lucky. I’ll take ‘em all.
I love this so much. We need some ex-wife for the day packages too.
yeah, neil..sorry. the mercy sex packages we’re completely sold-out in pre-order, i was only able to sell as many m-sex packs as vicodin left in the bottle.
bill: that’s an excellent idea! I just sent off an email to corporate.
justin: i think i love you
TAB: you think i should charge more?
How much for you to try to break into my apartment with your key (that no longer works) once a week late on a Saturday night while I’m getting busy with the NEW GIRL?
Eesh… I eat at this restaurant WAYYY too much. Every entree is bitter and stinks of alcohol.
Oh, wait. The stink is me.
Meme, I certainly think you could charge more, given your attention to detail and extra-personalized service.
Sorry Meme, but my wife wont let spend any more money on an ex girlfriend at present. She was surprisingly touchy about the subject as well.
Hilarious! And boy oh boy do my ex-boyfriends owe me some money.
Pauly: Well, let’s see, once a week. Do I have to pound on the window saying, “I know you’re in there…don’t you love me anymore?” or “Who is she? I’m gonna fucking kill her.” Then proceed to let the air out in your tires. I’ll give you the bulk price of $199.99 per month if you sign a 2-year contract. Plus if you act quickly I’ll throw in the 9rules club discount of $19.99 off.
Dave: 9 out of 10 wives approve of their husbands using my services. I’ll give her call.
Paige: If they don’t pay up send their asses to the girlspoke collection agency. I’ll make ‘em pay.
Additionally, I would like to suggest a “Make him look silly at work package”: You purposely call the wrong number at work. Before you are being transferred to your Ex, you start pouring your grief to his colleague.
Also in this package: Make sure he is not at work and a colleague answers his mails. Then you write mails to his business mail-address complaining how much you miss him and that you still love him and that you want him back, etc. Make sure you include some intimate details.
$29.99
Hubert: If you’re speaking from personal experience then I need to talk to your ex…she could teach me a few things. And by the way, that’s WAY too cheap.
You are a shrewd businesswoman, Meme!
I was lured to your site by your ridiculously perfect lips, and have found that you are also unfairly talented and hilarious. Damn you!
May I ask some advice? How much should I charge to stalk my ex’s current girlfriend, and frame him for cheating on her? I would include a nightly drive-by of both their homes.
I don’t want to sell myself short.
Eve: That could get pretty pricey…considering the time required in stalking. ‘Cause we all know stalking is a full-time job, geez, the cost of the wig and sunglasses alone could really set you back. Don’t ask for anything less than a couple of bills.
As with the previous offering, so many good options, it’s hard to choose. Probably a number three. Look for a money wire soonest.
I really want to order Eve’s package for his birthday, well, it’s past already but I’ll get it for him anyway for no occasion, but “just because”…..