Oy, My Tits!
Stamped: September 16th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: around town, body parts, chocolate, complaint dept., cry for help, emergency, food, mom, neuroses, self flagellation, unfunny, what the...?™.
In the elevator this morning the man standing next to me brushed my tits with his elbow, and I shrieked. In pain. Immediately following this outburst he dropped his cup of coffee which spilt down my pant leg. When I exited the elevator I slipped on the coffee spill and twisted my ankle up something bad.
Last night I watched Dear Frankie and sobbed like a baby. My phone did not ring once, except of course my mother, argh. I went to bed and dreamt I was invited on a romantic excursion but when I got to the airport my passport was expired. I overslept. I had no milk for my morning coffee.
I feel like crying, sending out hateful emails, quitting my job, cutting off my hair, and drinking an entire bottle of NyQuil while eating a Junior's cheesecake.
Then it dawns on me…holy fucking crap, I'm PMSing.
Why is this such a freakin shock? Every month. Same shit. I get emotional and moody and I can't figure out why, then like a bolt of lightening I realize that bitch snuck up on me again. The stages of PMS recognition are much like the Kubler-Ross stages of death:
1. Denial and Isolation: Used by almost all women in some form. Whereby a women cannot accept that her emotional responses are being brought on by a hormonal inbalance. Feelings of isolation comes from people avoiding the PMSing person.
2. Anger:
- General "Why do these things always happen to me?"
-Envy of others: Other people don't seem to care, they are enjoying life while the PMSing person experiences pain.
-Projected on environment: Anger towards boyfriend, lack of boyfriend, any man within a one mile radius, and/or mother.
-Signs: Listening to Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville on repeat.3. Bargaining: A brief stage, hard to study because it is often between patient and their inner voices.
-If the world didn't respond to anger, maybe being "good" will work.
-Attempts to postpone: "If only I could take that birth control pill that makes me have NO periods . . ."4. Depression: Mourning for loss of cognative brain function.
5. Acceptance: This is not a "happy" stage, it is usually void of feelings. It takes a while to reach this stage and a person who fights until the end will not reach it. It consists of basically giving up and realizing that PMS is inevitable. Stay clear of this woman, she could kick your ass without remorse.
Needless to say, my tits feel like overstuffed pin cushions and you had better just back the hell off.
Last 5 posts by Meme
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This was quite a verbose and wonderful post, meme. Kudos to you!
(That was a very nice, considerate comment appealing to your ego, wasn’t it?)
Step lightly, sir.
Pauly, are you being facetious? You’re lucky you live 3000 miles away cause if you were here right now I’d bite your frickin head off and eat it for a mid-afternoon snack.
I’ve learned through wretched experience that there is absolutely nothing I can say, do, contribute or … or … or anything! in regard to this post.
So … how about that Greta Garbo? It’s her birthday Sunday, you know.
There isn’t much I can say except that must suck…
I am glad guys don’t go through that (but we have our own problems)!
heh I enjoy this
not in an “enjoying” way, just in a it makes so much sense enjoyable! .. and by making sense allow me to explain…
But atleast those 5stages really bring everything together for me! I’m so glad you posted those
your my hero.
Oh honey, I’m totally there with you… Currently at stage 2. Even my dog is keeping her distance!
danielle: you know how they say when women are around each other long enough they get their period at the same time…does this work over the blogosphere?
I am currently experiencing my one totally good week a month, and I still feel like I could rip a face off if someone tried to ruin it for me.
Oh yeah, I think all bloggers are likely to get on the same cycle sooner or later. This might explain why my cats not talking to me made my cry yesterday.
it’s called “elbow tittie” - i swear some guy told me once that men do this to cop a little feel and it seems innocent. he called it elbow tittie and that’s what happened to you.
I think the matching periods just may work in the blog world, as I too am PMSing. Took a shower today and went from happy to angry to crying my eyes out in a span of 10 minutes
Yes, I agree- the pheramones can reach across blog-lines because I am in the same PMS boat.
Five stages- brilliant!
i have big boobs
Hmm… Great insight but could you do a follow-up with suggested best response tactics. Its nice to understand would be better to help or even just know that we cant? Holla back pls! I think a mistress for 3-5 dys a month has to be the best solution