Today’s Thoughts on Penises
Stamped: September 20th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: body parts.
Or is it penii?
I remember my first one. It shocked me. The things it was capable of…simply amazing.
Then I tried some others. All different. Some curved, some crooked, some stout, some steep. Some have caused the sound of Vegas bells to go off in my head at first glance. Yet others, sigh, were like a punch to the stomach.
Most of all, the penis is usually never attached to the right man.
So you make concessions. You make excuses.
"Ride 'em cowboy, the sex is amazing, and he's…well, the sex is amazing."
"His peter may not be so rad, but he's the most awesomest person I've ever met."
Then sometimes you just can't muster it.
"You want me to put that where?"
Last 5 posts by Meme
- Mama don't Preach - May 18th, 2007
- You don't have to Fuck Me twice to get the point across - May 11th, 2007
- Update: Newsworthy? - May 4th, 2007
- Nipples, Pasties and Lesbians - April 27th, 2007
- Vagina! - April 20th, 2007
I don’t know if I can ever look at the Washington Monument the same way ever again.
hahahaha! excellent.
how the mighty have fallen. the times when we have to watch Mary Lous Retton tell us about “becoming a woman” in gym class is when the boys should be watching Tommy Lee instruct them on how to kill her “softly.”
those chosen to be so endowed should, serious, be forced to carry a permit. i mean, it’s going to be used more often than a gun and can cause some serious internal damage…not to mention phobias of cacti that look like mardis gras dick.
Until, just now, I was fresh off a Six Feet Under Season One binge, and completely preoccupied with death.
Now, I’m totally fixated with penises, and that’s not cool considering I am the only female in my office.
If only we could custome make our men…sigh
I like the mix and match idea. But I have this disturbing image of women going into retail outlets and saying, “I’m here for a fitting.”
These photos make me feel inadequate.
(And hungry for Thai cucumber salad)
ah, the penis. why can’t we mix and match? that’d be so dreamy.
yeah, that’s the problem with waiting to have sex, it’s a mixed bag, never know what you’re gonna get. i think from now on i need to have sex on the first date.
This is all too much for my virginal eyes.
Okay, for the comments about men who are well-endowed being required to carry permits, it goes both ways. It hurts as much for us as it does for you “smaller” women. You don’t try to put a 1″ screw into a 3/8″ bolt.
I thought the smaller, the better, Keith? I didn’t even know there was such a thing as too small. Am I wrong? Naive? Maybe it’s just me, but I would think that a snug fit would be better…you know, the whole kegal/pelvic floor muscle thing…
Oh, and thanks for keeping me preoccupied with penii ALL FRICKING DAY, Meme. Thanks alot.
are you trying to tell us something keith…1″ screw?
I’ve never had a problem with penis-es. The nice thing is that I found the right one attached to the right guy early on. That rocks…in more ways than one.
K.
Hey, everybody knows it’s not the size of the dinghy, it’s the motion of the ocean.
Yeah, Dash, but you gotta admit:
It’s a whole lot nicer sailing on a 75 foot yacht than clinging to dear life in a blow-up raft.
Not if the captain doesn’t know how to tack the mainsail …
Wait … what are we talking about again?
Boats.
Penises.
The Washington Monument.
I don’t really know anymore.
My penis replies: I’m not a damn jack-hammer, ya know! I’m a team player! Where’s the tongue in all this? Lips? Fingers? A pecker can only do much; only last so long. Size be damned, I need some support, you bastards!
Meme, it’s a simple matter of ratios. A 5 oz. bird cannot carry a 1 lb. coconut.
Er, I mean, 1″ screw as pertaining to 3/8″ bolt could be extrapolated to something like 8″ screw and 3″ bolt. Or even larger.
I don’t know wtf Keith is talking about, but when I’m with my girlfriend I do my best to screw, nut, then bolt. In that order.
hahahaha! yeah, thanks for simplifiying, Keith. i’ll take Mike.
forget the real thing, get a rabbit.
Wow, it would be great if we could have them fitted, just like a diaphragm. I learned the hard way (pardon the pun) that you CAN have too much of a good thing. If I need three, four days to recover, you’re too much man for me.
I jog by the Washington Monument every week, I’ll definitely be grinning the next time around.
*watching Keith’s dating stock suddenly skyrocket*
I like the cactus penii… they’re so FESTIVE!