Stamped: October 7th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: complaint dept., confession of the week, cry for help, neuroses, unfunny, what the...?™.
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Welcome to Friday! And today's installment of Confession of the Week. In an effort to let you, my dear readers, get to know me better I am prepared to share with you one of my deepest fears.
I have an intense fear of animals dressed up like humans. Could someone please explain to me why people feel the urge to anthropomorphize animals in such a way, cause I just don't get it? They didn't eat the apple off the proverbial tree so why, oh why?
- First there are the traditional doggie sweaters, which as far as I can tell serve absolutely no purpose. Come on people, dogs have fur, fur keeps them warm. No more doggie sweaters, please.
- Along the same lines are the doggie shoes, very popular in New York City due to rampant urban legends about dogs being electrocuted on subway gratings. I'm probably going to piss off a bunch of New Yorkers, but fuck it, doggie shoes scare me…they're very very wrong.
- Now this is what really makes my stomach turn. There truly is nothing I fear more than monkey creatures dressed up like little humans. I don't know why it is but if I saw one on the street I would cross to the other side then most likely have to be revived with smelling salts. Those little hats and shirts coupled with the high-pitched monkey squeals, oh god, I'm getting shivers up my spine just thinking about it. Make it stop, make it stop.
-
I think ultimately one day I'm going to be faced with a situation much like this one.
And while that chimp might be wearing a shirt and holding a gun, and therefore very human-like, he cannot comprehend human speech. So if I say, "Come on man, you don't really want to do that. Think of your wife and kids. Prison life's a bitch for a cute little monkey like you - you'd be the Jenny in no time. So let me go and I'll pretend like this never happened," it would be useless.
Last 5 posts by Meme
Confession of the Week
seeing dogs dressed up just makes me hate the owners. seeing them in stores brings that sentiment as well. thought, the electrocution thing…a professor of mine in college said his dog died that way when it took a piss. we all laughed. i think we believed him, but it’s also just really fucking funny. don’t let doggy shoes ruin a comedic opportunity such as that!
the monkey though. that shit is scary. what was that movie with the little monkey toy that clinked his symbols and killed everyone? good god.
I have been looking for a monkey with a lollipop picture for YEARS. Thank you, meme, thank you!
Don’t judge me please, actually we all know that blogging is pretty much all about airing our judgements, so go ahead and judge away… but I personally am a big fan of dog clothes on occasion.
My dog grew up in LA and when she experienced her first winter in NJ last year, she would get so cold that she would shiver and clench up instead of pooping. The faux shearling coat I got her helped the situation, and looked fabulous. And I don’t have any, but I heard that the boots protect their paws from the ice salt which can be damaging and painful for them.
Ok, THANK GOD that you feel this way. I have a similar phobia. I FREAK OUT when, in a TV ad or movie, an animal’s mouth moves like a human mouth.
It’s unnatural.
Sure the cows in the commercial are cute, but I don’t want to talk to them. I want to eat them.
go heree for more info about this sadistic treatment of animals!
I always agreed with you, until I became a dog owner myself. I got a Cairn Terrier puppy last winter, (a similar breed as the westie pictured above) and while she’s very rugged, her belly is almost bare of fur. In the winter, I have a hard time getting her to go to the bathroom outside if she’s too cold. I have a little hoodie and if she’s wearing that, she has no problem going out and peeing/romping in the snow. So people can hate all they want, but I’d rather not watch my puppy shiver and sneeze.
Ah, Beth, but utility is a whole ‘nother bag of chips. I gots no problem with that. It’s the fashion for fashion’s sake thing that freaks me out.
Actually it’s really mostly the monkeys that freak me out…i threw the dogs in for good measure (and to piss some people off).
And AJ, I’m with you brother (but i have to admit enjoying this song on more than one occassion.)
M–
:-)
Agreed.
My cat, Gonzo, suggests that dogs who find it too chilly to shit outside consider the wisdom of using a box indoors … Oh, she suddenly adds, “I forgot - they’re dogs and dumb as sacks of hammers!”
Sorry, Gonzo’s essentially a bitch. She also throws in that she really likes the idea of someone trying to dress her in whatever is fashionable and Oprah cute. Gives her an excuse to claw the eyes out of a few sockets.
Wow! I forgot how bitchy she was. Once, when a kitten, she actually had a dump on my pillow - right by my head! Of course, I never forgot to feed her after that.
This is Gonzo. In the picture, she has just said to me, “Kiss my ass, pal. I ain’t movin’!”
http://www.piddleville.com/NewImages06/mostinteresting200.jpg
OK, this post didn’t not make me think about sex at all. You girls are slipping.
Humans are so stupid. We dress the monkeys up. We teach them to beg for money. Soon, they learn to talk. Eventually, they rule the world and the Statue of Liberty is sitting in the mud. When will we ever learn?
Aaahhhggghh!! Does anyone else find this hugely disturbing?
http://www.azcentral.com/php-bin/commphotos/show.php?referer=azcentral&colid=16&slide_nbr=9&numslides=94&go=1&go=1
I just found this website; hilarious and as for Dashiell’s post I disagree, all I could think about was sex. Does this make me weird?