Why I prefer doctors
Stamped: November 1st, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: body parts, dress up.
Really. I am hoping this is just a phase. Last week, I mentioned how easy it is for me to start falling for my various health care practitioners. But I have always had a thing for doctors, their offices, all the accoutrements and airports–OK, that last one is another story entirely!
Take the stethoscope for example. I used to fantasize endlessly about the feel of that cold metal instrument on my bare chest. I once hinted to my boyfriend (now ex and you'll know why) how sexy I thought this particular doctor’s tool was. But did he ever once come home with one wrapped in a box with a big pink bow and a bottle of champagne? I bet you can guess the answer to that one.
Yesterday, I saw a Rheumatologist (OK, bit of a hypochondriac am I!) because of some abnormal blood work. It takes a damn long time to get in to see these specialists. Months. And I almost forgot about the appointment. Running late, I called to say, well, that I was running late and the receptionist assured me that it was no problem, and that the doctor was running behind as well.
She didn't tell me he was running an hour behind. I waited. And then I waited some more. And then I was shown into a room, where I waited another twenty minutes. When the doctor finally showed up, I smelled him first. This doctor reeked of cigarettes. When was the last time your doctor smelled like a 3 martini lunch a la some character in a John Cheever story? Now this was old school.
He walked in and he looked like Phillip Baker Hall from Hard Eight. All hard-boiled in that Columbo kinda way. What I am trying to say is that he reminded me of Harvey Keitel from The Bad Lieutenant. OK, too many film references, but here was the bad boy of the medical profession: an hour late, reeking of cigarettes and a little nip of something, keeping me waiting, and more importantly, stirring my overactive imagination. He immediately looked at my paper work and dismissed any arthritic diagnosis. Well, thank god. He asked me a lot of questions. He seemed genuinely concerned, told me to take off my shoes and socks (!) and then left the room for another 15 minutes…about the time I imagine it took for him to sneak a smoke in the restroom. I was betting on Pall Malls.
He came back and starting examining me. Having me stand over here, walk over there, bend over. He tested my reflexes. He felt my back, my hips. He looked into my eyes. He did everything short of asking me to open wide and say, ah. I loved every minute of it. He had this way of looking down at my chart, scribbling, and then looking up at me with his head still turned down and…what can I say…this old man, this doctor who will most likely be sued in the not-too distant future for being drunk, late, and misdiagnosing some poor old lady, totally turned me on.
And I have been thinking of him ever since.
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no, this makes total sense. i mean, when else is it perfectly acceptable to have a virtual stranger have his hands all over your bare skin? and his are almost always warm…then the cool stethescope…oh yeah. i’m with you here.
I know I have asked Blue Cross to put it in my record that I only want female doctors.
I know. I once had this doctor who looked like Helen Slater. But in a hot Supergirl way. Not a weird, butchy Legend of Billie Jean way. And she had this voice. So sultry like Demi Moore from About Last Night. Actually closer to Kathleen Turner in Romancing the Stone. I was so stoked. Then some old dude doctor comes in. WTF. He looks just like M. Emmet Walsh from Fletch. Then he starts barking orders at me like Asao Uchida from Tora! Tora! Tora! My hot doctor disappeared like Jessica Jones in You’ll Never See Me Again. And I’m left there, cold, naked, frightened and sick like E.T. from E.T.
You think that’s bad, I’m so hard up that I get turned on when the dental hygenist runs her finger over my gums to check for oral cancer. Yeah, I haven’t had a date in a while.
I shadowed a doctor today, white lab coat and everything…sexy huh
having recently had my first experience with a male Ob-Gyn, i can tell you…well, nothing really, but i did get probed by a man and frankly that’s the best action i’ve seen in a long time.
Lab coats do work sexual wonders. I own one, and I even turn myself on when I’m wearing it.
Unfortunately, I was shadowing a rheumatologist taking care of arthritic seniors…so sex was the last thing on my mind (well it’s never last, but you know what I mean).
Ahem, wait a minute Thame does this mean you are a doctor-in-training??
That’s good enough for me.