Stamped: November 15th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: complaint dept., dating hijinks, holiday hijinks.
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I mentioned in a post last week about the doldrums…
"Early sailors named this belt of calm the doldrums because of the low spirits they found themselves in after days of no wind. To find oneself becalmed in this region could mean death in the era when wind was the only motive force available, and it was certainly a depressing experience to be isolated in the middle of the ocean."
Though most of us wouldn't be so lucky as to be stuck in the doldrums with someone as hot Donal McIntyre. I'm here to tell you that the doldrums are not just some oceanic anomoly, but a phenomenon happening to many people every year, myself included.
The doldrums are what I like to call the period between Thanksgiving and Valentine's day. 
You can just about forget about dating between these two holidays. Believe you me, I have the empirical data to back this up. You see, it works like this. After Thanksgiving your chances of meeting a pontential long-term mate are drastically reduced (and by long-term I mean more than one month). The reason being that after Thanksgiving the typical American male/female is in Holiday Mode at that point which means they're thinking "Do I have to buy him/her a Christmas/Hanukkah gift?"…"and I hardly know him/her, are they going to make me look bad at the office/family holiday party?" It's a common dilemma and one better avoided altogether, right?
Now, there is about a four day window of opportunity prior to New Year's Eve when desperation sets in to find a date that the potential for a hook-up is available. But this relationship only last till about January 15th when they realize that Valentine's is on the horizon and well, frankly, they just don't know you well enough (or the four other people they hooked up with at New Year's Eve party) to make that type of romantic gesture.
So my best advice (advice which I myself am following, unless of course some hot guy comes along) is take up that knitting project you've been planning, buy yourself that litter of cats you've always wanted or dust off the magic wand/Fleshlight and go to town.
Last 5 posts by Meme
We are now entering the Doldrums
Meme, let’s look upon the Dating Doldrums as a singletons’ vacation from dating. We could even open a resort dedicated to singles wanting to get away from the dating world. Imagine; loads of unattached folks, relaxed, not looking, happy without the pressure to find someone.
We’re likely to need a bridal facility for quickies too.
Wombat
It must be kind of tiring thinking about long-term mates all the time. Defining windows of opportunity. Are you sizing up everyone you meet, weighing them as someone you could spend the rest of your life with?
Is this a New York thing? Do you make graphs?
I’ve seen Meme’s graphs. They’re pretty and um…yeah. Graph-y looking. She also defines a ‘long-term commitment’ as longer than one month.
They aren’t as extensive or impressive, however, as the ones about illiteracy and selective reading. Now THOSE ones are fun to look at.
ohh the magic wand is on sale! excellent! since i already have the cats and the knitting project. *sigh*
Having a birthday at the end of October extends my doldrums by nearly a month. The guy I started dating mid-October actually asked me what he was supposed to do about it. 5 points for honesty, I suppose.
Oh god I’m not the only one… I’ve been lining up winter projects for the past 2 weeks now. Ah well, the house will be lovely when I’m done, right? Hadn’t considered a new magic wand… excellent suggestion.
Odd that doldrums should be a reference to the sailor’s life when Melville suggests (in one of my favourite sentences) that the answer to this horseshit period which is November’s fault (since it starts it) is to go to sea:
“Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off — then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.”
On the other hand, I understand there were a lot of bum boys on the boats back in Melville’s day.
hahahaha…I’m so glad i bought that yarn to knit with….no really I did, so expect a scarf for Chistmas, which in Rizzo time really means valentines day.
Can’t we all just agree to be totally casual during this time frame? It’s like a race. If you’re not hooked up by Thanksgiving, then you get thrown into the “no gift obligation; casual hookups only” pool. If you’re hooked up, then you have to do all the obligatory crap that makes you feel warm and fuzzy if you’re a girl; totally stressed if you’re a guy.
I vote for class distinction for the holidays. It’ll get rid of the pretense, and no one will have to go through all that needless worrying. It’s all of those things that go UNSAID that make the dating game such a frenzied mess, anyway. This way, we’ll all know up front, and everybody will get exactly what they expected.
Of course, when the element of surprise is gone, usually the ladies are, too. Have I backed myself into the proverbial corner here?
I am SO glad I don’t have to worry about the doldrums any more…Yes, I am disgusting, and I know upon reading this, Lexie will say something along the lines of, “you suck, Sean!”. :p
Oh, and Meme…any boy who gets a month with you gets a lifetime of moments for those, errr…special times. Or, so I imagine.
Nice Melville reference, Bill.
Chris: I like your train of thought.
It’s at times like these that I think back with fondness at the job I took because I’m a whore… it’s nice to think that I don’t have to worry about this particular timeframe because, like every other time during the year, I’ll be gone for at least half of it.
I’m beginning to think the answer is just to find a guy friend who is on a different schedule than myself and we can just split a girlfriend. It’s the perfect arrangement, really. She gets two different guys, so she can play the guilt trips VERY effectively, and we each get a girlfriend.
She also gets twice the gift-purchasing power from us, and we can cover for each other on those special occasions (we’re twice as likely to remember her birthday, etc.). She also gets the satisfaction of knowing that whenever she says “My boyfriend is twice the man you’ll ever be” that she’s telling the truth.
There are no end to the benefits on this one…
Anyone looking for half a boyfriend?
- Brian
have the doldrums got you? or have you got the doldrums? get off the metaphorical boat and stop passing wind!
you know being available is a perspectival event: you’re as attractive as you make yourself out to be. That said, the splendor of the season unwraps many singles to their denuded core as whoever presents as significant is awash in the relative vacuum of tense cheek: you do me you do my family too.
Whatever happened to the tempests of the heart?
Meme: You know I’ll be in New York next month. Christmas could come early for both of us.
Brian….one word: brilliant!
Count me in.
uh Toby, give Brian a call and make sure there’s no scheduling conflicts, ok?
Meme: Sounds like a plan. Based on the amount of travel involved on my end, we might need to bring in a third and maybe a fourth gent. If that’s going to be a problem, we’ll just tatoo our names on our foreheads so you can tell us apart. Groovy?
This reminds me, I really need to clone myself… I’ve always wanted to be jealous of me being with my own lady without making a reference to Rosy Palm.
- Brian
I stumbled across your blog and just had to leave this comment.
Strange, Thanksgiving of 1967 while at home from the Air Force I met a young woman on Sunday afternoon as I was leaving to drive back to my base, asked her for a date on Christmas Eve, that would be the next time I would be able to get back home.
She accepted, I was only able to get back home once a month to see her, but on May 18, 1968 we were married.
Oh, we are still married. Linda and I must have broke the tradition, I believe they are still others out there who do this as well.
May God Bless,
Jerry
What about office parties?
I often hang around outside supermarkets. I find that women do a lot of grocery shopping this time of year.
That is a top tip.
What is this magic wand thing? Does this have anything to do with the upcoming release of the new Harry Potter movie? Is Girlspoke already into cross-promotions?
I’ve just been reading an article entitled ‘What’s love got to do with it’ in today’s Daily Telegraph over here. This part seems relevant to this thread:
And what if there is no husband or wife? There can still be love. A happy life can only be built on definitions and recognitions of love that are less fragile than the torments and deliriums of romance and desire. I say the words “I love” often in a day, and mean them.
I love crisp bright mornings. I love the texture of crunchy toast and melting butter and honey. I love that colour on you. I love the enthusiasm of dogs. I love the sound of the cello. I love the smell of fireworks and my mother’s smile and my friend’s characteristic turn of phrase and the sound of the first glass pouring from a bottle of wine.
Life is much more tolerable, in lonely moments, when I stop focusing on the small human holes in my life and marvel at the richness of the fabric that surrounds them.
One in three of us now lives alone. That doesn’t mean that one in three of us leads a loveless life. Not at all. I know many people in couples who are envious of the infinite possibilities of the single life. The more the traditional patterns of relationships break up, the higher is the value placed on friendship.
Maybe there are rules and techniques after all. I know I am happy and feel loved if I put energy into the passions of my life, if I cultivate friendships, if I focus on what and whom I love and not on what or who is missing. Above all, I’ve learnt that the words “I love” are a compass to happiness. The trick is to catch yourself using them as often as you can. They are a renewable source.
Full article can be found here if you want to read more:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2005/11/16/ftlove16.xml
Ok Tony Robbins…er, I mean Londoner.