Stamped: November 22nd, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: complaint dept., dates of yore, dating hijinks, love letters, unfunny.
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Hello, Mr. New York.
I’m going to keep this brief but I just wanted to give you a heads up. I’ve been here almost two years now and for most of these two years I’ve kept myself pretty busy. No time for idle thoughts or self-deprecation. Just going about my life as though you never existed, and actually you don’t yet, at least not in my world.
I know I have at least 10-15 more bad dates to go on before we can meet. I need to be sorely disappointed approximately 5-8 times. And I need to be stood up once. In the pouring rain, where I can meet the next man who will inevitably disappoint me by turning out to be a complete fucking nut case. You see, I know you’re simply too fabulous for me now. You’re so fabulous that I wouldn’t even be able to see how fabulous you actually are. I need to fall on my ass a few more times just so that I can appreciate your extraordinary self. Timing, right?
And once we meet we can laugh about all our adventures in dating in New York. We’ll swap stories like my ‘naked-lawyer-guy’ or 'asparagus-halitosis-guy’ and yours like maybe ‘girl-with-weird-mothball-fetish’ or ‘looking-for-sugar-daddy-girl’.
I just want you to know I’m getting myself ready, as you probably are too. And I know that this relationship will be doomed from the beginning because, let's face it. I'm too sophisticated for you, and you're too cosmopolitan for me. Our union won't be big enough to house both of our egos. I can accept that because, well, I have to. This is the kind of relationship that is required to be classified as a True New yorker.
Till I meet you, and till we miserably and subsequently break up, here’s to more bad dates.
Last 5 posts by Meme
Mr. New York, Wherever You Are
I tried looking in your archives, but maybe you erased him out of your life. But don’t I recall a nice gentleman caller you dated who you had a mind-blowing kissing session with — and then a second date. We were all so hopeful. What happened to that guy from a couiple of months ago?
In the meantime would you settle for a slightly less cosmopolitan Mr. Calgary? ;^)
oh NEIL.
you never no when to SHUT UP.
so let me clue you in….shhhhhhh.
I’ll take a Mr. Cal-town, Mike.
You Albertan boys are HAWT.
Neil: I just nominated you as ‘Tard of the Week’ over at [decentcontent].
Well, Mike, seeing that I’ve only been on about 4 of the 10-15 bad dates I’m allotted…sure!
Yo Jenna! You fuckin Rockmukkah!
And Lexie, step off my action.
I’m too licked.
Between the cosmopolitan and the sophistacated the tongue around here is likewise lusty victorian.
It’s all, get tied up, fall on your ass; and start all over again.
The tongue is seldom laid down long enough to roll past the unfurling flurries that raise fecund like the chatter filling the contours of a now crowding haunt, a flitter of sound, a space you can move through with your eyes closed, like getting up in the tired-dull of the night and prefering to move through the dark. You know, you just know, like your own hand, with your eyes closed tight, while waiting, repeat, waiting for more…
you haven’t nearly finished up what’s only presently just starting properly to get underway
Oh, Sweet Mother of God.
Someone’s been getting happy with BabelFish. Again.
Ladies, ladies, ladies, there is no need to fight. I’ll tell you that it is quite a high to have a couple hotties such as Lexie and Meme fighting over me. There’s plenty of me to go around. I’ll bring the whiskey and wine. What are you bringing?
He said whiskey first. He wants me more. HA.
So there.
naw…he said that cause he wants you to get drunk and pass out first so he can have his way with me.
You know I can drink you under the table, girl. Don’t even try to play that game with me.
Whatever happened to the good old days when women would settle down and marry a guy just because he had a job and, well, existed. At least back then I could get laid…
Well, Gil, let’s see here. I settled down and married a guy…but it turns out he wanted to lay back and get laid.
BY ASIAN HOOKERS.
The “good old days” disappeared when men stopped bringing home the bacon, and women had to find it themselves. On sale. I suspect that you have a problem getting laid because your views are pathetic and archaic. But I could be wrong.
Ouch, that hurt! By the sound of that post at least I can tell I’m not the only one not getting laid.
Wow, we have so much in common. We should hang out soon. Want to see my Star Wars collection?
Smooth, Gil, smooth.
Yeah, no shit.
but at least I got a giggle over your Star Wars collection.
Just a heads up for Lexie … Edmonton boys have bigger penises. But the guys from Calgary have more experience with animals.
As for Meme … I know I could never be Mr. New York. I couldn’t even be Mr. Plattsburg. But since you’ve gotta go through to 10 to 15 anyway … maybe Mr. Eleven or Twelve? …
It’s kind of weird that Lexie is the most macho man around this blog. In fact, considering all the Canadians, she might be the ONLY man.
Huh.
I was going to marry a Canadian once… make like Nancy Reagan and just say no, ok?
actually AJ, I was considering transferring Lexie over to boyspoke
…and marrying her.
Just so we can be clear about a couple things:
Lexie and Meme - Whiskey and wine. Wine and whiskey. The order doesn’t matter, I’m bringing them both and you ladies are going to get hammered in more than one way, trust me on that.
Bill - Edmonton boys may have bigger penises but they have fewer teeth and shower less often. They do like to aim for the middle though and that’s got to count for something.
Now ladies, where were we….
It’s good to see that you’re not easily discouraged. Aiming for failure NOW prevents the inevitable disappointment and heartbreak.
The ironic thing is, as I type this, there is a banner ad for a french maid’s outfit sold by Playboy. Perhaps this could be something to help Mr. New York really notice you. Just a thought.
- ok and where in Canada has bigger penises? although I’m much more inclined to enjoy a man who showers more often than every other Tuesday.
Truth be told places like Vancouver and Toronto have bigger dicks but Calgary has bigger penises ;^) I just didn’t want Bill to feel bad about living in Edmonton.