Stamped: December 13th, 2005 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: complaint dept., cry for help, fan mail, friends and losers, spank.
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Much like the last "Today's Post Will Have…", we put the burden on you, our faithful readers, to fill our comment boxes with your best effort at hateful acerbic wit. We are counting on you.
You see, it's been feeling too much like a love-fest around here and frankly it's making us wanna purge the 15 shots of vanilla stoli we each just did.
So if you ever wanted to let loose and just tell it like it is, here's your chance. Don't hold back, we're big girls and we can handle it. *Keep in mind that the first comment to make one of us cry wins a prize.
Here are some guidelines to help you form the perfect hateful and insulting comments:
Obvious Example of What Not to Write
Yeah yeah, we know that we are brilliant, beautiful, intelligent, hot, and all around perfect, but you will need to dig further and find the few hidden flaws that lurk deep inside each and every one of us. This may require you to look into your own psyche and channel your hatred for that girl in high school that kicked you in your moneymaker when you asked her out.
*Oh, and Sean…the world tour starts next week, in your hometown. Book the hotel and airline tickets (penthouse/1st class). Tell your mom to make her special apple pie. And don't forget, Lexie likes foot massages before she performs.
Make 'em Witty
Come on people. We're not asking for much. Please at least entertain us while you're here. There's nothing more boring than a spew that, well, falls flat on the floor. Aim a little higher, ok?
*Actual commentor's name has been changed to protect his anonymity.
We Could All Use a Swift Kick in the Ass
Lynn has nailed it. Thanks hon, expect your All-Access Pass for the next girlspoke slumber party to arrive by mail in the next 6-8 weeks.
* girlspoke.com is not responsible for lost or mis-addressed mail, postage, or mail stolen and redeemed by postman.
Let It Grow Exponentially
And by all means, don't just leave all the bitterness for us…go insult us on other blogs. Especially those linked on our sidebar. Tell the world how much you hate us!!
* what the hell are you looking at…go leave a comment, asshole.
Last 5 posts by Meme
Today’s Post Will Have the Most Insulting Comments Ever
I love it. You encourage people to visit your other sites, stroke our egos, and then beg us to insult you. Cunning. Evil.
I know you really just want us to say, “no, no, no, we can’t say anything bad or mean. you are too perfect, too wonderful, too talented. you are the ur-women of the world! we aspire to live like you, think like you, eat like you!”
but no. i won’t fall for it. even if you try get people over to boyspoke. because i know the truth! i know that you guys need to throw a party just to get fucked…
so no more mr nice mickey.
Is it OK for us girls to laugh at these, or should I be really fucking insulted and pissed? Meme? Lex?
The only way you can get people to comment on your posts is to ASK to be insulted? Shit, I’m feeding these uppity bitches egos by doing what they told me right now, aren’t I?
You guys are way too insecure. Normal women are just happy with postiive comments (you look great, you’re hot, I’ll never leave you) but the collective girlspoke ladies need negative comments, now too? What, were you all abused as children by your daddies?
Oh, sweet, intoxicated, neurotic, narcissistic Meme…Love, it is a good thing you are in NY, cause your head has gotten so big now, Macy’s will be contacting you to replace the Barney ballon in next year’s Thanksgiving day parade.
OOoo…this is FUN! Ok, let’s see who’s next…hmmmm…eeeny, meany. miney-mo…catch a Girlspoke girl by her inflated Ego…
Jenna, you should channel the anger and respond in kind. Haven’t you heard: Bitter is the new Black.
Pauly, no but if you’d like to spank each and every one of us we’d be more than happy to call you daddy.
Yeah lazyJ, pretty sad, huh? boohoohoo….hahaha, bite me.
Mr Nice Mickey? HAHAHAHAHA…that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.
Sean…we were beginning to wonder how you could type so well using only one hand.
Ah, this has got to be the saddest fucking attempt at attention. Who in their right mind will insult you silly bitches on your own comments board, AFTER asking for it. A bunch of codeine drinking, kool-aid servin, stubborn, narrow assed, cynical, sorority house bitches thinking that they got some clever shit to say.
Well forget it. You won’t trick me with that tired, reverse pyscho…pyschic…er, mental shit with me!
Talent, Meme…pure, natural Talent…
um albone,
who you calling narrow assed??
lazyJ, you know you’re just praying for us to ask you to spank us next.
PD, yes, I WAS. Don’t you feel like a dick now?! Thanks A LOT you insensitive BASTARD.
And sean, we all know the only thing inflated around here is your full collection of girlspoke blow-up dolls.
Albone? hahahaha! “narrow assed”?!
What does that even mean?
I’d insult you, but I think the pictures you have on the side of your website are insult enough.
Well that’s what you want me to be, right Meme? “Nice?”
Or is it more facile?
Maybe the worst insult I can give you is that you can’t even manage the persona you want to project: you can’t even be a bitch.
And here I thought this was a blog of strong women.
Instead I get a song, “You are…the great…pretenders”
Ok, I give. This is making me SAD.
In that case I’ll take my prize.
I read this blog pretty frequently because it’s entertaining. But last week I made a sick mistake of listening to one of your “Drunkcasts.” In addition to being a waste of my time, it turned me off to the entire cast of girlspoke.
Let’s start with Meme. Your voice is so high-pitched it makes my ears bleed. And the picture of you in the sidebar has the same effect on men as does seeing their grandmother naked. It’s probably a good thing the photos are monotone, because seeing your fat face in full color might reverse my heterosexuality. To be specific, you have the face of a baby whose parents give it way too much to eat, and then it grows up and tries to shed the pounds but can’t.
Lexie, you sound like a man. You laugh like a man. I can’t imagine what guys waking up next to you in the morning after drunk sex think when they first hear your voice: “What, did I fuck a dude?” This is why listening to that ridiculous drunkcast was such a bad idea. You were almost good-looking, then you turned out to sound like my dad… Not hot.
I don’t have the patience to go over each of your abundant flaws. The rest of you write so infrequently anyway that you barely deserve to stick this site’s name on your portfolios. Rizzo? Who the fuck is that? It wrote like one article and then died. Get your face off the site - it’s not conducive to me keeping my lunch down anyway.
Meme, I’m sure you know how easy it is to type with one fist. It’s probably the same thing as trying to type while one fist is wrapped around a bottle of Cabernet Savignon. Oh, wait, I’m sorry, that’s Jenna’s beverage of choice.
and there we have it, ladies and gentlemen. BUD wins for making Lexie cry.
his prize? a giant FIST SANDWICH right in his fucking teeth.
One word:
Frankenstein.
Mickey: f-you, now that song is stuck in my head. and i immediately read facile in italian, which means easy…but i already knew that.
Howdy,
You guys are hotties. I love you. When can I come over for that glass of wine , skip the dinner, and were off?
I’m not very good at the insult thing, but I’ll give it a shot.
You women talk about sex too much and don’t actually do it enough. Particularly with me.
Okay. I need to work on that.
Sorry, can’t do it. Nothing insulting to say. Except maybe that this post is making me feel very uncomfortable. We must be on the same PMS schedule again.
danielle: i think you are, at least with me, anyways.
you stupid cunts,, watch your teeth…and swallow! then do your stupid blog!
Lynn has nailed it. Thanks hon, expect your All-Access Pass for the next girlspoke slumber party to arrive by mail in the next 6-8 weeks.
A point of clarification: I won’t need to pack panties for that slumber party, will I?
This post, requesting to be insulted, feels like so many relationships that went sideways.
You want me to bitch about girlspoke? The biggest bitch is the comments you get seem to come from boys roughly 13-14 years of age. But I suppose that doesn’t say a lot about me.
What else … well, there is a certainly a jaundiced quality to the colour scheme. But I like it so I can’t really whine about it with any credibility.
The sex stuff is always fun but you’re often more interesting when you go off on non-sex stuff. But it’s all entertaining, so no big complaints there either.
As for Bud … If your Dad looks like Lexie, I’d fuck him. And if he sounds like Meme, I’d fuck him twice.
And if he sounds like Meme and Lexie at the same time, I’d call an exorcist.
You girls look smelly.
No way am I making you cry. Once you cry, you have magical fem-power over me.
Can’t beleive that I missed this one…
I just know that all of your standards and hopes have been crushed so many times that I could hit it. And that is an insult to you, and quite frankly I’m a little insulted as well.
Not even when I was drunk…well maybe if I were drunk, hadn’t had sex in 4 months and I temporarily went blind from alcohol poising. But isn’t that what all of you call a Saturday night?
holy crap….you guys are way too good at this. in fact, i forwarded some of your comments to my therapist and she said she’d like to have the lot of you committed.
can she get us free thorazine, oxycontin? any other good stuff?
Sure, Brooke Mote, 35, of Covington, Ga., knew she was fat.
Whenever the single first-grade teacher went out socially,
every chat she had with a man seemed to end with a requestÅ that she introduce him to her slender friend!
Still, she never thought there was anything wrong with being at 5-foot-10 and 268 lbs. a big, beautiful woman.
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