Waxing Nostalgic
Stamped: January 24th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: body parts, confession of the week, cry for help, living abroad.
It takes me at least a year living in a new country before I go in for a bikini wax. Once you get used to a familiar gentle touch by your regular waxist, it is quite daunting to blindly leave your nether regions in the hands of yet another stranger.
My first bikini wax was by Bella, a Russian woman in Chicago. My mother made the appointment for my little sister and I (while this may seem odd, bare in mind that for a long time my family consisted of only my sister my mother and I, where roaming around the house in various states of undress and discussing period pains became the norm).
Bella was a fan of the “tough love” approach. There was no small talk, no gentle patting of raw skin with a talcum powdered hand, only the sound of ripping hair and skin filled the tiny wax room. Bella started the waxing procedure with the same expression she ended it with: You have no idea what real pain is until you have lived in communist Russia you rich Yankee capitalist bitch.
My sister only completed one side before almost passing out at the sight of her own blood and telling Bella to stop. She uses Nair now and Nair only.
I’ve had various other white bread American girls as waxists and although sweet, full of small talk and equipped with a more caring touch than Bella, they also made it perfectly clear that this is a painful procedure that they themselves would have never partake in. And while I’m sure their intent was more of a “you’re a strong woman and your boyfriend is very lucky to have a girl that is willing to go through such pain and sacrifice for him” it actually felt more like “you’re a sorry excuse for a woman and a step back for feminism everywhere”.
And then there was the Hispanic woman I had in New York state who when I told her I didn’t just want a bikini wax (read: panties on) but a brazillian (read: full frontal) she looked at me in disgust and said she doesn’t do “underwear off”. Like I’m some closet case dirty lesbian that likes to flash my waxable privates to strange women wearing latex gloves. So she had to get her less prudish colleague to her dirty work for her while I was left spread eagle on the slab with my panties hanging off one ankle.
Then I moved to Paris and after a long fearful wait I finally made the horrific plunge of yet another new waxist (epillatrice). I found a very kind Vietnamese woman whose French was worse than my own. Unfortunately she accidentally cut me ( - yeah, down there) while doing a finishing trim. Her kind demeanour wasn’t enough to make me go back. As they say: Cut my vagina once, shame on you. Cut my vagina twice, shame on me. 
My second waxist in Paris stuck. Quick, easy, and they used this silly putty-esque wax that hurt half as less as the others. Once I broke the ice with a simple “Desolee madame, mais il y a du boulot” everything was smooth sailing. Clean, fast, and practically pain free with no one making you feel ashamed or gay.
So now I again feel the familiar fear of putting myself in the hands of the unknown. In fact, I have yet to even see a spa or beauty parlour that advertises bikini waxes over in England and I have a hard time believing that every English chick over here goes au naturale. So if anyone knows of a good bikini waxer in England – hook me up. My boyfriend will thank you.
Last 5 posts by Betty
- Under heart-shaped pressure - February 14th, 2007
- Going Geisha so you don't have to - November 10th, 2006
- Baby Jane gets laid - September 22nd, 2006
- Wax on, Wax off - August 25th, 2006
- My summer is filled with beer and balls - June 14th, 2006
Betty, I witnessed my fiance actually perform this procedure on herself once or twice. The first time I was compelled to watch, was out of curiousity. The next was out of compassion! Hearing the snapping sounds of a fabric gently pull hair so delicately from human flesh, ahh what a sound! Actually, hearing the absolutely disgusting sound of hair being ripped from its folical was torture, even for me!
I cannot imagine actually sitting through the procedure. I would say she was something of a rebel, doing it to herself, not going to some sort of professional to do it for her.
This is my first comment on your blog, but I read it often. I enjoy the humor and the keynotes into a woman’s life.. Makes me appreciate your awkward species more
Keep up the work ladies, by the way, you’re all pretty damn cute!
Dude, I’m about to make my second appointment for the Brazilian and am totally chickening out. But the timing of this post is excellent; I’m cracking the fuck up over here. Maybe I should go call the salon while I’m still laughing…
Holly shit so this is what girls go through, I never knew it could sound so painful/yet funny at the same time. Now is this done to satisfy a man’s taste for smoothness or is it done for your own personal preference? I could never think of waxing my balls, I shaved them once and couldn’t stop sweating down there for two weeks. Apparently guys actually need hair on their balls for a reason…. Who new? Great post.
holla
Jenna - take some extra strength tylenol. I also wear my jew panties everytime I go for a wax (they have the star of David on them - Target rocks!) to remind me that there are many people before me that have felt pain much greater than I am about to. You know, putting things in perspective.
News flash Virgle - girls need hair down there too. I piss all over the place after my Brazilian, which is pretty impressive sitting down. My boyfriend doesn’t actually care that much either way. I do it every few months to keep things saucy.
I shave for the same reason I prefer women to shave; I don’t want to floss with pubic hairs.
Virgle - Interesting…I never really noticed a difference. I do know that if you go a single day too long without doing a touch up on it, you will spend a lot of time with your hand down your pants and explaining to people that you don’t have crotch crickets…you just haven’t shaved your nuts in too long.
I too couldn’t imagine waxing my balls. However, this does sound like it would be fun to do to a drunk friend (enemy/stranger) who passed out.
You know, that whole hippie thing some people are into makes a lot more sense now.
Good idea to start some real conversation:
Start a forum like this that shows how beauty and image is so distorted in our society. it is Dutch.
http://www.zorra.be/
Dahlings!!!
I have been preaching zees very ting for years now! For ze xtra sensitive/1st timers; topical anaesthetic (eg Lidocaine) ees your friend!
Apply to area about half hour before time. The zone is completely numb by the time you’re on the meatslab/waxing table. Eh voila; pain-free waxing! If in hurry but anxious to apply copious amounts of cream (depending on just how chickenshit u may be), apply thin layer & cover with cling film/saran wrap before wearing undies. The cream will be fully absorbed & skin numbed by action time.
Works until you
a) find a good waxer (or a great artisan who painlessly grooms you in seconds if you’re lucky), and or
b)gradually tire of prepping each time, become a big girl & take the few seconds of S&M in your stride.
I ‘ve being doing bikini wax since twelve years old (I’m brazilian so…), I have a tip to you. Try to focus on this: as much as you wax, less hair grows up. And it’s more hygienic, at least that’s what my brazilian mom says.
mmm.. think i’m more of a nair girl myself. i just don’t see how it can possibly be more hygienic, surely pubes are there for a reason?
i’m from the ‘if you don’t like pubes, don’t give head’ school of thought. that’s just the way people are made, y’know, deal with it.
call me militant, but i wax for no man. if i liked it myself, that’d be a different story….
Where the hell did you get the idea that English girls don’t wax!? I’m English and I was waxed just half an hour ago. We’re not all stuck in the 1960’s!
Just look around in beauty salons, they all do it.
What do you do if you have body hair?
I have hair on my stomach and back what do you do? If you wax it grows back? Is there any solution?