Stamped: January 26th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: complaint dept., dating hijinks, friends and losers, get rich quick schemes, holiday hijinks, love letters.
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Hello faithful readers. Today is your lucky day. All of us here at Girlspoke have been fretting over the impending holiday. You know the one, Valentine's Day. Ugh. I say it but I don't mean it.
We know many of you are of a similar state of mind, so we put our collective heads together and brainstormed this one out. What could we do here at Girlspoke to ease the pain of that hideous day? Well, what do we do best? We all said the same thing at the same time, "We make people feel like crap" Ding! Ding! Ding!
Welcome to the Girlspoke Dumping Service™
Are you feeling the pressure of Valentine's Day bearing down on you like a lead weight? Do you always give/get the wrong gift? Take him/her to the wrong restaurant? Overpay for flowers that will be dead in a matter of days? Then my friend, it's time to free yourself of the burden of the
holiday of love by taking a preemptive strike. That's right, dump her/him
before the holiday, not
after. Come on, why would you wait till after you've shelled out all that money for a gift and gotten yourself dressed up only to let it all go to waste by dumping your respective partner afterwards. It makes no sense.
Think about this way…ladies, why bother getting him the perfect gift, shaving, putting on something other than pajamas when he's just gonna take you to a crappy restaurant because he didn't bother to make the reservations 2 months ago? And guys, why drop 300 bucks on a stupid prix fixe menu at some restaurant that's totally taking advantage of you when your woman probably doesn't even care and is planning to sneak out after you fall asleep to meet up with her other man before the night is out? People, people, people…let us help you, help us to help you, cause we're like the fucking Florence Nightingales of the internets, we're here to save your asses.
This service includes one telephone call to your mate, $29.99. If your BF/GF requires more than one phone call, we will bill your credit card $19.99 for each additonal call. We stand behind our services and guarantee that you will no longer be burdened in time for Valentine's Day, even if it takes 20 phone calls.
Stay tuned to hear our first call tomorrow!
Last 5 posts by Meme
Girlspoke Dumping Service™
ooohoooh! Can I do it?! Can I? Can I?
hehe…absolutely…would you Vlog it?
You’ve got to be shitting me. You’re actually going to charge people for this as a “service” all of a sudden since it’s nearing a holiday? Have you not been ending relationships for the past several years for free?
How about all of a sudden I start charging beer companies to do “quality assurance” on their products? Perhaps I will start charging clothing companies to wear their products. My point is you shouldn’t be charging for something that you’re going to do anyway. And if you absolutely feel the need to do this, I want to get on it too.
so true ryan, but on many occasions i have thought to myself “why dont you charge for this, you’re so damn good at it?”
besides, this is a goddammmed free fucking market…..if someone’s buyin’ i’m sellin’
Hey Ryan, I think you’re on to something.
Even though you’re horribly bitter and angry, you are my valentine.
Now take your top off.
Ha! About time someone started offering a service. Make sure you advertise before christmas as well.