Lo’s Weekly Rant
Stamped: March 30th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: around town, complaint dept., friends and losers, iPod.
Well to blatantly rip off Betty’s theme of transportation and societal annoyances this week’s rant is also going to be about public transportation, kinda. Okay so not really but sometimes it takes place on public transportation. Oh whatever, enough with the fucking intro already. Basically, my gripe of the week is the famously awkward faux friendly co-worker run in outside of the work place. It’s happened to us all, in the elevator, on the bus, at the bar, in the drunk tank, etc.
By far my worst encounter was at 8:30 in the morning, on my way to work, hung over as a mother fucker and just barely hanging on to my humanity. All I wanted to do was lie down in the aisle of the bus, curl up in the fetal position and start sucking my thumb. Instead, as I drag my ass up the bus stairs and past the surly driver, who to my wondering eyes should appear, but my arch-nemesis from work. Now granted, she doesn’t know she’s my arch-nemesis because as I’ve mentioned before, us ladies are nothing if not congenial. But, to make matters worse, next to her was the only empty seat on the bus. Here’s where it got difficult. Walk to the back of the bus like a rude bitch or take the seat and rest my gin-soaked body? With a heaving sigh I sat down, begrudgingly took out my earphones and proceeded with a painfully awkward conversation. For the ENTIRE thirty minutes. As if dragging myself to work wasn’t cause for a purple heart, the loss of those thirty minutes to collect myself and meditate my way back into functionality was fucking horrendous.
Now I’m not fooling myself here, I’m sure she was less than thrilled that I ruined HER morning commute. But such is the social tyranny of politeness. It’s just one of those things that truly and utterly SUCKS. I understand it greases the wheels of commerce and civility and all that nonsense but let’s just give a little amen to how much if fucking blows. There are quite a few people at work that I genuinely like and am excited to run into outside the office but those awkward acquaintances that you have no connection with are just enough to add a little more anxiety to your day. As if you needed it.
The problem is really those in-between people. Not the people you really like, and not the people you only say hi too. It’s the people that you’ve had minor conversations with or have a work project in common with. Perhaps you should be work friends, but you’re not quite there yet. They might be very nice and not at all horrible like my arch nemesis but it’s still isn’t what you wanna be dealing with after a day of shuffling faxes and updating your blog. I mean its hard work after all.
That being said, I think as we get older we are less tolerant of the little inanities that serve no other purpose than to piss us off. I notice how some of the older partners at my firm will make chit chat for a moment and then politely beg off in the other direction despite the fact that you live at the same train stop. I can get behind that. I appreciate that. It’s a subtle gesture that says, I respect you enough to say hello and good day, but when it comes down to it, I’ll forgo making either of us uncomfortable by walking AROUND the block before I head on my merry way. I find myself doing that at least once or twice a week. I’d just rather walk an extra block than to have a meaningless interaction for the next half an hour. (Holy shit I sound anti-social)
So, safe to say unless I look REALLY happy to see you and am super vocal and engaged, I’d actually rather you just be rude and put your ipod on, cause guess what? Then I can do it too.
Best Friends Forever,
Lo
P.S. If you'll notice, the photo above has little or nothing to do with this post. However, it's fucking hilarious and a striking example of why gold lame is NEVER okay. Especially when it's accompanied by aquanet, cowboy hats and junk in the trunk.
P.P.S. I’m a little low on vitriol this week but I expect the male gender to rise to the occasion shortly, it never fails. In the meantime feel free to say something to piss me off. Provocation, welcomed.
Last 5 posts by Lo
- Hello, God? It's me, Fashion Mullet. - March 30th, 2007
- To Slut or Not to Slut, That is the Question... - October 26th, 2006
- Sidle on Up to the Booty Bar - October 20th, 2006
- Slacker Central - October 12th, 2006
- Lo's Weekly Rant: I Call Bullshit. - October 5th, 2006
that pic IS amazing. im pretty sure it gave birth to that most terrible song “honky tonk ba-donka-donk.” well… that and some flagrant co-option of hip-hop lyrics. if you haven’t heard this song, just drive I-80 in a car with no cds. eventually you WILL hear it. i apperciate your posting it, even without relevance.
It doesn’t just stop at co-workers: neighbors, people you went to high school or college with, prior co-workers, etc! Running into an old high school comrade (also town gossip) who is your father’s nurse in the hospital isn’t so fun - especially when your father has already divulged the intimate details of your life. Thanks Dad, now the whole town will know about me!
Most people know that I’m not tolerant enough to abide by these social rules. Even if I (unintentionally) make eye-contact with someone out of the workplace during some unfortunate run-in, I make sure to hold that stare for a moment (the key is to do so without smiling) and then continue on without another word.
This ensures that you’ll never have to surrender your sobering-up moments during the morning commute. It also ensures that everyone will hate you. But, as you may have guessed, that’s a blessing in disguise.
Of course, I don’t really have to get along with too many of my co-workers, so that helps.
Oh, and embrace the title of “antisocial.” It’s hot. You know. To us girls. Boys hate it, I think, but fuck ‘em.
Sarah - may I never be driving on I-80 with no CD’s, you’ve officially scared me!
Fuz - you can’t just stop with “intimate details” - you KNOW that requires further explanation, hopefully involving scandal and debauchery.
Jenna - as always, I like your style, I’m for sure going to co-opt the holding the stare routine next time. Right after I puke in her lap…
Do what I do. Stay unemployed. If I was with you I would have squeezed your hand hard and farted causing uneasiness, not a loud one mind you, a silent killer. If someone one is your arch nemises Lo, then their mine too. Women and their fags unite.
P.S. I read boyspoke, and its a credit to retarded frat boys everywhere. I’d dump them as a sister-city ladies, no one cares what men have to say. Duh.