Girlfriend For A Day - The First Date
Stamped: April 25th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: dating hijinks, get rich quick schemes, girlfriend for a day.
I could be your first date girl.
I know many of you out there enjoy the hunt and the savor of the first bite. But the idea of actually dating is less than desirable. Now you're in luck. Today, and today only, I am offering the exclusive "First Date for a Day" Packages. This is where you get the chance to go out on a first date with me without having to make the uncomfortable 'follow-up second date' call. Much like many Girlfriend for a Day Packages there are options:
- Package A:aka the Gimme a P, Gimme an M, Gimme an S, Gimme a You're an Asshole… Date: We've been planning this date for two weeks and in the meantime I've gone from the horny-attractive mid-cycle to full-blown PMSing. I am bloated and apparently color-blind with my hideously mismatched outfit. I get offended by everything you say and snear and squint when you talk. I stuff my face throughout dinner on the greasiest foods on the menu. I end the evening by crying about how my dates never work out cause I always date losers. $29.99
- Package B:
Better known as the Counting Chickens Before They Hatch Date: We meet at a quaint bistro on the west side. I look stunning: a hot clingy dress, simple slingback flats (so I'm not taller than you), slighty and sexily tossled hair, red lipstick. I look over at you with those bedroom eyes all throughout dinner. You are smitten. We go to a dark bar for drinks after dinner. My ex shows up with his whorish looking date. I make a sort of loud comment about said whorish chick. She is offended. I throw my drink at her. Full blown cat fight breaks out. $49.99 (Catfight involves torn clothes, hair pulling and baby oil: $149.99) - Package C:We'd better call this one the You Can't Get a Break Date: This one starts out much like the last one but this time it's your ex that shows up at the dark bar. Her and I end up chatting in the bathroom and as it turns out we have a ton in common so we exchange phone numbers and make plans to hang out for the following weekend. Oh, and she tells me about your unfortunate shortcomings, so to speak. $19.99
- Package D:or the It Can't Possibly Be This Easy?! Date: Before we meet up I make sure to drink half a bottle of wine. And I'm not hungry. And it's still time for happy hour 1/2 priced drinks. And I'm dressed totally slutty. $199.99 (I don't pass out or vomit on you: $299.99)
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Can I comibine packages? Package B & D with the extra’s, cause I don’t want to get thrown up on, and hair pulling and baby oil is money well spent.
Meme, you’re a marketing genius.
How could any guy not feel totally special with the package D and all the options…I especially think the no-vomit will be popular.
What, no drink-in-the-face and slapping action? At least a spank or two…
Who gets the drink-in-the-face and the slap? I only ask because usually it’s me.
I think you should just take all your “insert type of woman here”-for-a-day packages and sell them a la carte. That way, a guy can experience the entire cycle of a relationship for about the same amount of money as in the real world.
Package E: We meet at Cafe Reggio and walk around down town, talking and learning about each other. After about 4 hours you realize that you’ve found your man. You turn the blog over to the girls, buy us a 65′ twin mast sailboat, and we sail around the wold for the rest of our days. Friends can meet us anywhere we are in port long enough, knowing they have no clue as to when or where they’ll be able to disembark. We live off of your amex card while your accountant manages your fortune and pays the bill. You can wear whatever you want.
jr
wow jr, ahoy matey.
wait one sec…my amex?