Stamped: April 26th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: body parts, food, things i ♥, work.

Things to do when you are unemployed, looking for work, new to town, and supposed to be working from home:

1) I don't think I have to actually mention this first, really popular way to procrastinate, but A) it can lead to further procrastination when B) you decide you should have more porno in your Netflix queue and C) this requires calling up your ex and requesting the name of that movie that we watched that one time, you know, the one that was made in the 70's without all the fake tits and with a surprising amount of hair whilst D) browsing adult-only sites for reviews of adult-only films that you might actually find sexy.

2) OK this is similar to number 1, as it can, well, lead right back to number 1, but if you happen to be in a long distance relationship like I am, dirty text messaging is a lot of fun and sooooo easy to do from any locale, like A) jury duty where I) you can't bring in any magazines or reading material so II) you have to make do with the powers of your mind or III) face the deadly alternative of actually paying attention to jury selection. In such circumstances the mind is capable of coming up with a vast array of scintillating possibilities which a) I will not bore you with here but b) suffice it to say they can make one want to leave in a hurry.

3) Shop for lingerie online. This could either A) make you all hot n' bothered and lead again back to number 1, or B) make you so very depressed because I) you don't have the money for the aforementioned lingerie nor II) does your boyfriend, in addition to the fact that, III) you haven't shed those winter pounds that would allow you to venture forth and actually try on the aforementioned lingerie. But a) you have bookmarked the page and b) you have sent the link to the person with whom you are sleeping along with c) a reminder that while your birthday isn't coming up anytime soon, d) one doesn't need any special occasion to make a holiday.

4) Make a shake with all the fruit in your fridge threatening to turn black. Okay A) I know this isn't what you were hoping for here but B) let's get realistic that C) the kitchen always figures prominently in any kind of procrastination scenario and D) that doesn't necessarily rule out number 1 when E) there are cucumbers, bananas and zucchini lying around. Not only can you I) be creative and create that never-before-blended-together-in-one-drink ambrosiac concoction with, say, papaya, blackberries, ginger and lemon juice but II) it's not really cheating on your oh-shit-here-comes-summer-and-the-weather-is-getting-warmer diet and III) you are being environmentally conscious by not wasting food and IV) you would make your mother proud.

5) Post at girlspoke. This is almost like working because A) your fingers are moving across a keyboard in rapid succession and B) it does require some thought, with C) the added bonus that writing a post like this can lead directly back to number 1 and D) at the very least, you have wasted enough time so that E) 5 o'clock has finally rolled around and F) you can pack up and call it a day and G) no longer feel guilty about, ahem, jerking off all day.

It's a vicious cycle folks, but somebody's gotta do it.

Last 5 posts by Casey

• Sugar - February 23rd, 2007
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