Stamped: May 24th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: dress up, friends and losers.

So, here I'm sitting in my GVillage basement flat giving myself a pedicure, and I got to thinking about Meme and Jenna and Lo and Casey and Betty, et al. I could focus on any one of them. But, hey, let’s dish ‘em all.

Now, Meme is my best friend, but she needs taking down a peg or two. She wrote about yelling off the balcony to the boys passing by. Well, who do you think she was copying? Moi, lil’ Simone. Yeah, we had finished off our third bottle of 3-buck Chuck (Charles Shaw wine at Trader Joe’s – you gotta try it). I was waving my panties around my head doing my, “hello, sailor,” when Meme stepped out and followed suit. That girl wouldn’t get in nearly as much trouble if it weren’t for Simone.

Jenna, Jenna, Jenna: she says that she’s not going to bitch and then goes ahead and does. She is gorgeous, all these girls are, but she really needs to be told that. A lot. As far as her yoga moves – where do you think she learned that? From Simone, that’s who. I’ve been known for my gymnastic sexual moves all up and down the Eastern seaboard. Ask any teamster.

Now, when Lo writes about hot sex with the Costa Rican and then, says, “Oh it was all a fantasy,” don’t you believe that last part. Lo is a slag in a well-fitting suit. And her rants are real. That girl can go on for 2 hours and 45 minutes without even taking a breath. Of course, she brings most of it on herself. She’s even admitted that. But, she didn’t know how to rant until Simone taught her how. She used to be shy. Can you imagine? Lo used to be the quiet one in the corner. Well, “shag on!” I say.

Casey is always going on about striking out, but don’t you believe it for a minute. That girl hits homers all the time. It’s just that she’s decided that she has to field her own balls, if you get my drift and if I haven’t carried the baseball analogy too far. Casey needs to look around the bandstand and see how many of those sailors are cheering her on. I’m working on getting her out there.

Betty tries to come across as a sweet thang, but let me tell you, the girl is hot. I happen to know a few things about Betty that would curl the hair on her boyfriend’s head. As a matter of fact, never trust girls who come across sweet, ‘cause you know something? They do come across, again and again and again. As a matter of fact, Betty and I first met at the bottom of a mosh pit. Wotta night!

I just realized that I know more about these girls than anyone else. They are the wild bunch, believe me. But, without Simone, they’d be the mild bunch.

Rock on.

Last 5 posts by Simone

• A boy's just gotta be a girl - May 10th, 2006