Stamped: June 9th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: literature and smut, marketing, reading.

I'm an avid magazine reader. Not trashy mags, mind you. Strictly the kind that gets you hottie points with the geeky intellectual types on the subway that never hit on you. More than anything I'm a self-appointed advertising deconstructionist. I LOVE advertising. I always imagine the group of marketing managers approving said ads in a cushy board room, "Don't you think it should be more, I dunno, dynamic?" (Marketing people love the word dynamic.) Or, "That copy is a bit flat, don't you think? Let's make it pop out more!" "What's gonna grab the consumer and make them say, I gotta have that! ?"

Now, I'm no slouch. I come from a legacy of advertising. My great-grandfather was an iconic adman. He was a leading force in the founding days of J. Walter Thompson and responsible for perpetuating the concept of war propaganda and body odor. I joke not. There were some stinky fuckers around before Pappy.

He was also a bit of a misogynist, but it seems that legacy in advertising has yet to die.

So I started thinking recently, do the admen really do it intentionally? I mean, on a conscience level. Or do they just put it together and think to themselves, Wow, that's hot. I don't know why but it just makes me feel funny downstairs ? Or do they approach everything with a penis in mind? Like going back to the manufacturer and asking them to make their shampoo bottle more phallic? I just can't imagine that Joe Marketer goes to Jimmy Product Designer and says Dude, make it look more like wiener, ok? Cause chicks will definitely buy our shampoo if it looks like a big ole cock. There is always the possibility that Joe Marketer is thinking purely of post-consumer use, but naw, I don't buy that.

I think it is something much more super-organic and less hyper-intellectualized. It think it is something that transcends generations and is quite possibly more innate than all of that. And while risking the eventual debunking of Marketing Managers the world wide, I'm willing to bet that it's all about that stuff that makes your shorts feel tight. And you don't have to have an MBA to know what that is. I'm talking about the animal urges built into each and every one of us, the kind that makes us fit for survival. Yo, procreation baby.

I'm also willing to bet that a team of construction workers could be dressed up in suits, seated in a board room, and crank out mad hot ads. "What the fuck is with this latte shit they keep serving here? Ooops, I just spilled it on the pictures…wait! that looks hot! Let's do that. Someone get me a Bud."

Not only that, it would be fun as hell to watch a bunch of manual laborers directing a photoshoot.

And that, my friends is worth ten times more than the $25fuckingK I owe in student loans from college.

Last 5 posts by Meme

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