Stamped: June 26th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: around town, complaint dept., dress up, just plain stupid.

I've written about those weird quirky things that men often do, things that leave me puzzled. But I have found women guilty of equally quizzical behavior. Today I'll address the thing that bothers me the most: the bachelorette party.

First, let's look at what the celebration is supposed to be. Often, it's the bride-to-be and all her female compatriots living up her last moments of freedom. In theory, after the vows are exchanged, she will no longer be able to spend the night on the town acting without inhibition or care for her partner. This, my friends, is her last hoorah with her female friends.

Ok. Despite the obvious flaws I have with the logic of this celebration, let's now take a look at the traditional games and activities that are inherent in most of these celebrations of a dying freedom.

1. The wearing of everything PENIS.

So let me get this straight…you're out celebrating your last moments of single girl behavior, and you're wearing a penis? Shouldn't that be the last thing on your mind? I mean, aren't you really just celebrating yourself? Unless you actually have a penis, I'd suggest you don't wear them to your own party.

2. The drinking of everything PENIS.

Again, this is supposed to be your night of freedom. Don't you always bitch about sucking your boyfriend's dick? Don't lie; you totally do. Then, explain to me why you're sucking on a blue plastic one? I'm sure it's ruining the taste of that seabreeze you've got inside the damn thing.

3. The bashing of everything PENIS.

Hmm, now this one seems to make some sense on the surface, doesn't it? But if we think for more than three seconds, we'll remember the foundation of this inane party: your marriage. If you don't like the cock, you should probably be re-thinking this whole heterosexual thing.

4. And, closely related to number three, the mocking of everything PENIS.

This bachelorette party tradition is all about the various stupid things that women have each other do to and with men on the night of their party. This includes, but certainly is not limited to: measuring the size of a stranger's dick, getting digits of other men in case the groom realizes what an amazing wench you are, tip a stripper $5 but ask for $4 change, and demanding the various other unsuspecting males to buy your beverages for the evening. Two thoughts run through my head with this one. First, see #3, lesbo. Second, if you're planning on harboring such manipulative feelings for the male species, your marriage will likely last about as long as this stupid little party you've got going.

What about just hanging out with the girls and checking out the occassional fine piece of ass that walks by? What ever happened to that?

Last 5 posts by Jenna

• peace out, my lovlies - June 8th, 2007
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• No, no I don't. - May 7th, 2007