Stamped: July 21st, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: dating hijinks, get rich quick schemes, girlfriend for a day, marketing.

Ah Friday. I can think of no better day to offer up another Girlfriend For A Day, in fact I'm feeling generous and I'm going to make it Girlfriend for a Weekend. Imagine that, you can have me for 2 entire days…not ONE, but TWO. Wow. I know what you're thinking, "How much more would this cost me?" And I'm here to tell you, "Well, about double."

• Package A: aka Laundry weekend. I haven't done my laundry in a few weeks so we spend all weekend doing laundry. You may think this gives you the opportunity to lounge around and watch sports, but no, I also tivo'd the entire season of some heinous makeover show and we're watching it start to finish. Oh, and I don't put out unless I have clean underwear so maybe if you haven't run for the hills you might get lucky Sunday night, probably not. $49.99
• Package B: the so-called weekend getaway. We go somewhere for the weekend, maybe the Hamptons or the Shore. You have to plan everything, rental car, hotel, meals, etc. On the car drive out I pick a fight with you, probably over something stupid like the music you're playing or the annoying way you tap your hands on the steering wheel or how you never use your turn signal or the ugly fucking shirt you're wearing or how you told your buddies they could meet up with us or how you won't fill up the gas tank till it's practically on empty. God you're an asshole. $79.99 (Cost of car, hotel, food not included)
• Package C: we'll call this one the lost weekend. We start out Friday night at some seedy bar on the Lower East Side. Next thing you know you're waking up and it's Sunday afternoon. But trust me you had a good time and you are one crazy dude. $39.99
• Package D: your chance to hop in the heart shaped bed. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, never again will this offer be extended, one time and one time only. Here's the deal. You get to spend the entire weekend rolling around the luxurious heart-shaped bed, feel the red velvet duvet against your bare skin, nuzzle your face into 500 different pillows scattered about, view yourself from mirror on the ceiling, and drink margaritas from the tap conveniently located on the headboard. You will never feel so pampered in your life. $299.99 (oh, I forgot to mention this is only available the weekend that all the girlspoke girls will be at their yearly girlspoke summit in an undisclosed location. But our man-servant will be there to attend to all your needs)

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