Lo’s Weekly Rant
Stamped: July 27th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: complaint dept., cry for help, friends and losers.
Myspace is the Devil: Part One
Okay, I’m throwing it all out there. In the name of your entertainment and the greater good, I am doing what no one else admits to unless they are severely intoxicated or….well, severely intoxicated. Myspace stalking.
Yes, yes, I know, not a wholly foreign concept but one that deserves a little reflection nonetheless. My question of the day is how the hell did people stalk their Exes, stay out of jail, and maintain a veneer of sanity, before Myspace?
I don’t think they did. The way it used to be, you were either a full fledged stalker, doing drive by’s and frequenting old haunts, or you were relegated to drowning in a sea of love letters and old pictures with tear stained cheeks and bags of cheetos. One is considered a sane way to deal with a break up, the other comes with a jail sentence (if you’re stupid enough to get caught). Now, in the age of the internets, it’s a whole different ball game people. Combine a broken heart with anonymous voyeurism, strike that – UNLIMITED anonymous voyeurism, and you’ve got a cramp in your finger from refreshing your Ex’s page every five fucking minutes. Now, thanks to Myspace, there is a socially acceptable version of stalking that is just as unhealthy as the actual stalking but somehow is fully sanctioned by the local authorities. Great, thanks Rupert, much appreciated.
Being a sane individual (ahem), I would never engage in the aforementioned activities that could land me in jail. A) I’m actually not crazy and B) that sounds like a lot of work. But thanks to good ol’ Myspace I am currently in a hell of my own making, unable to tear myself away from the computer and all it’s voyeuristic glory. And evidently, I’m not the only one. After several “Me too!” conversations with my friends, we have a hypothesis that Myspace singlehandedly extends “getting over it” time by at least two months. Now, as someone who clearly hasn’t “gotten over it” I can’t speak from experience, but by the sample size in my friend group I think it’s a pretty solid analysis. All I know is that it’s turning me into a nutjob.
Think about it, not only do you get to see all the new pictures of your Ex looking good and having all kinds of fun new experiences WITHOUT you, but you also get to read flirty comments on their page. When before in the history of Ex’s were people ever subjected to WATCHING day after day the flirtation between an Ex and their prospective lovers? Oh, the agony. And don’t even tell me you can stop. That’s just absurd, once you find that shit out you’re really going to STOP LOOKING? Please. It’s like a goddamn train wreck and you’re hanging around checking out the carnage, so don’t even go there with me, it’s insulting.
Of course, then there’s the clicking. Clickety click, bloody click, and the next thing you know you are at their new ho-bag’s page and you get to look at all the witty things she says in her “About Me” section and see that she likes all the same music as him and then throw up all over yourself. Then of course you look at her pictures and spend fifteen minutes convincing yourself that “She is SO not as cute as me. UGH.”
See? We’re having fun! Wasn’t this just a great idea? Sweet baby jesus help you if she/he’s got a blog, that’s just a night of binge drinking waiting to happen. Because the other fucked up part about it is that they KNOW you read it, watch it, check it every minute of the goddamn day and THAT gives them the power of deception (which you can also utilize of course) meaning that it is fully likely that they are NOT as happy, horny, onward looking and over you as they seem. They are most likely selecting pictures with the utmost care, approving comments with abandon and mendaciously crafting their “About Me” section so as to put their best foot forward and make you feel like total shit in the meantime.
Or, they could really not give two shits and it’s all the total truth. Cause that’s fun. So you see, there’s really no upside to Myspace stalking, it’s a pretty lose/lose situation, kind of like buying a K-fed album or having sex with Danny Devito, (shudder). Either they don’t care and they’re moving on and you’re the pathetic wretch still checking their Myspace, or they do care and something’s wrong that sure ain’t gonna get fixed by any amount of stalking or online deception. So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury - Myspace is the Devil.
*Stay tuned for more reasons why Myspace is the Devil. Oh yeah, that’s right. There’s more.
** Oh, and if any of you bitches think about commenting on what a psycho I am you can eat shit because, while I might be crazy, I sure ain’t stupid and I know you’re all a bunch of voyeuristic sado-masochists- Just. Like. Me.
Love you dearly,
LO.
Last 5 posts by Lo
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I personally don’t agree with MySpace because stupid kids get into a lot of trouble with it. How many kids have been murdered, kidnapped or run away from home because of people they’ve met on myspace? I’m not saying you’re an idiot by any means, as you come off as actually owning and using a brain. But the general population is getting more and more stupid when it comes to stuff like MySpace.
on that note go add us to your friend’s list: girlspoke’s myspace page
…How many kids have been murdered, kidnapped or run away from home because of people they’ve met on myspace?…
You’re kidding right? Your alarmist, kneejerk attitude does more harm than good. 16 year olds masquerading as 24 year olds is more the result of parents parking their children infront of the TV or computer, than spending family time with them. myspace is just the current victim of shortsighted finger pointing that has been happening for ages by people who must to have a scapegoat for everything that’s not right in their world. With anything new, or in any community, there will always be bad people who will take advantage of the unknowing.
if all the chicken littles took a step back and actually analyzed things instead of behaving like sheep, there would be a lot more people with informed opinions.
jr
All I can say in response to the post is: me too.
I had to delete a lot of my web bookmarks to stop myself from MySpace stalking, I mean, “checking to see he’s ok” (as I put it in my more denial-filled moments).
At least I stopped checking my ex’s email (dumb fuck did give me the password voluntarily and then not change it - don’t judge me, people)
Marry me.
My first marriage proposal! very exciting.
Meme: you’re a shameless publicity whore and I love it
lunar: glad you feel me, everyone else is fooling themselves.
This whole new option of being able to choose if your page is private is really a thorn in the side of the stalker. Not that I stalk. That much.
I actually created a fake myspace account to cheer up a friend. I made it as if I was the lame poet (no joke) that was breaking up his marriage. It worked. Then, like a swarm of bees, relatives and old friends converged and tried to convince me to make it a real myspace page so they could add me as a friend. I’m sorry to state that I actually did it for awhile. It gets addicting. I had to delete it when I found myself hitting refresh on a girl’s page. There’s no real content yet you keep hitting refresh like some trained monkey. Thank god I got out before it was too late. I liked your post.