Stamped: September 14th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: all things hot, around town, dating hijinks, holiday hijinks.

For the record, today sucks. It is cold and rainy and I had to get up early to write this because I TOTALLY FUCKING FORGOT IT WAS WEDNESDAY, yesterday. Such is the life of the duly unemployed. Bitches.

*Warning: The following entry contains rampant generalizations, unfounded conclusions and unconscionable sexism. Too bad.

So apparently there is this cult month-long holiday amongst guys that I am just getting clued in on. It’s the “I’m moving away FOREVER so I can nail anything within a ten mile radius” holiday. When I moved the last time I had an enlightening conversation with a guy about “Moving Sex”. I had never really considered the phenomenon before but basically it was his opinion that every time you move it’s a little bit like Christmas. It essentially gives you the opportunity to sleep with anyone and everyone you’ve ever had your eye on. The cute guy in the apartment next door who you always had scandalous thoughts about while on the elevator but determined it wasn’t worth the awkward hallway interactions? Problem. Solved. The hottie your friend went out on like two dates with before he dumped her and started making googly eyes at you? Well, it’s just sex now isn’t it? The hot but boring investment banker who frequents your local bar and shamelessly hits on you but would surely send you into epileptic shock if you actually went out on a date with? Let’s go back to my place…what, you want to go out? Sorry, I’m leaving soon…take off your pants.

Now, leave it up to guys to be opportunistic little whores but I think there might be some merit to this on the female side of the equation. See, for guys no-strings-attached sex is the Holy Grail requiring little rational thought and only willing hordes of hoochies, but for women, let’s be honest, it’s more of a challenge. Not to generalize (watch me generalize) but most women I know have a hard time separating emotion from sex and I don’t think that makes us weak (quite the opposite in fact) but it does make no-strings-attached sex more of a mythical unicorn than anything. Even if we go out and get ourselves a nice neat little one night stand, there is some emotional fall out or at the very least heavy thinking the next day about what the hell we are doing. For guys? The next day? Are you kidding me? It’s leaning back in a chair, adjusting your balls, feeling VERY smug and beyond the dirty remembrances, thinking about it for approximately five seconds before it floats into the land of ancient history.

So while guys may be more adept at this whole no-strings-attached thing, women have a window of opportunity with the “Moving Sex” phenomenon. It goes a little something like this. You are leaving in two weeks, you take time out of your crazed packing schedule to go to the bar and you meet Mr. Fucking Fabulous. You two are hitting it off like crazy and after ten-too-many gin and tonics you head back to his house to have sloppy but slightly hot sex. You wake up the next morning, go back to your house and continue on your merry way. The beauty of situation is that you are not allowed to suddenly wish that he would call you even though you told yourself last night it was a fun one night thing. NO. Now, your little rational brain is finally quiet because guess what, you’re leaving in two weeks, you don’t know this guy and you certainly are not going to waste your time trying to speed date him before you go. So what do you do? Float it to the land of ancient (but fun) history. Poof gone. Circumstances require that we chill the fuck out and take it day by day and sometimes having the memory and emotional attachment quotient of a chaise lounge are helpful, just ask a guy, they’ll tell you it’s quite nice.

The other wonderful part about this Moving Sex Holiday is the reciprocity that flows like rum through your veins at the office holiday party. Guys totally dig the “I’m moving in two weeks” thing because it means that you are not going to try and date them. Guys like this very much because not only is a ticket to hot no-strings-attached sex, but they can also like you and if you reject them in the future they can say to their friends “Oh yeah, she moved away, it sucked, she was a cool girl” So it gives their egos an out which is always helpful.

If you don’t believe me about all of this, try it. Do a little experiment at a bar you’re not likely to return to and tell every guy you meet that you are moving to City X in two weeks and see how you popular you become. Guys will be all over you like white or rice, I guaran-fucking-tee it. I was out last weekend at a party and feeling quite smug with myself, suddenly I was surrounded by cute guys and had no idea what the deal was. Was I emitting pheromones at an alarming rate? Was it because I was alone? Was I having a good hair day? Finally it dawned on me that I had told one of them I was only here for another two weeks. Then I remembered all of the introductions beginning with, “Hey Dave, this is Lo, she’s from San Francisco and she’s only here for another two weeks.” Ah ha! It’s not the hair after all. It’s the sweet scent of Moving Sex in their nostrils. Well, two can play at that game.

Last 5 posts by Lo

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