Stamped: September 25th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: folklore, quantum physics, work.

I was talking with my trusty co-worker, Lisa, the other day. The topic? Another woman we work with (of course) and her marital situation. This lady was an exceptional conversation piece for about a million reasons, but today we focused on her ability to find a man. Now, you see this woman is morbidly obsese and has an attitude to match. She's too good for everything, including performing the expected duties of a teacher or performing much of anything back at home. Call me judgemental if you must. It's just part of the package.

For the sake of timing, we'll skirt over her inability to teach and how she's likely perpetuating all that is so very wrong with this country today. Let's just stick with her and her husband. This alone lead to an epiphany of sorts for my friend and I. Need more background? Her husband is a state trooper (read: authority, rough, tough, healthy), yet she clearly holds all of the authority in the household. The husband and children (also men) do all the cleaning, and she spends her days at work spending all her (and his) money on online QVC. Further, she appears to have no nurturing ablitities, tendencies to be outgoing or kind, or otherwise redeeming qualities about her. Yet she's constantly reminding her husband that she can pull the "divorce" card to further enforce her demands at any moment. Not surprisingly, her children seem to have no social lives and much of what the public knows about them is how their schedules revolve around the toilet and fast-food dinners.

So Lisa and I can't help but wonder: how did a woman like this manage to score a man like that? In other words, we'd all love a man that could occasionally refrain from being an asshole and just respect us a bit. You know, even if we are being slightly irrational at the time. We'd also love it for a man to share in some household chores, right? Maybe let us do a little shopping? Eat Taco Bell without a disapproving frown?

Well, maybe. Our focus of study, remember, revealed to us that she, in fact, does not do the dishes, never cleans the bathroom and certainly never ever helps take in the groceries after they've gone food shopping. So where does this leave the man? According to our calculations, he's probably somewhere in the house painting her toenails, dusting her piles of costume jewelry, or possibly disinfecting the toilet. Yuck. Is it just us, or did dreamboy just take a nose dive into the very toilet he was cleaning?

Our bottom line, our final question for query was this: Is it true that the only way to get a man with a higher frequency of kindness and compassion is to become an unruly bitch, break his spine, and sit back and start getting fat? Is it true that the only way to get the studly dreamboat that will always make you feel safe and protected, is to deal with his tendency to be a complete asshole? In the end, Lisa and I definitively stated that we'd much prefer the occassional ass to the occassional man.

But come the fuck on. Are we back in 1935? With, like, a twist of dominatrix?

Editor's Note: YES, 1935 is a very specific, scientific year for all this nonsense. Don't question my sociology. And, baby, if you're reading this, NO, I do NOT think you're an ass! (Please don't lock me in the closet again, ok? xoxo)

Last 5 posts by Jenna

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