Stamped: October 9th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: holiday hijinks, work.

You're working. (Or you're home but have nothing better to do, so same difference.) You probably don't want to be working. Guess what? I don't want to be writing this post either. And I've complained of this before. My apathy. Writer's Block. Whatever you want to call it, I'm trying to bail out on you here. But the thing is that you're trying to bail out to right now. Like, from work, right? So let's bail out together-ish! I'll list all the things I'd rather be doing right now. In return, I ask you to do the same. It'll be like a mass orgy of daydreaming. Think about it. You'll get to daydream for a few moments about your sexy weekend (or lack thereof) and then be promptly whisked away to my dreamland, or maybe Meme's or Lo's or Heather's! It'll be fucking fun, goddamn it.

What Jenna is daydreaming about this Columbus Day:

Woodchucks. Or I guess you could call them groundhogs. But I like to reserve that term for the ones that are being fondled by men in top hats and tuxedos with jacket tails. But back to the woodchucks. There's a lot of them around here and sometimes, when I see them waddle across a patch of grass, I think to myself, Oh, to waddle and be a care-free, retarded, hairy mammal. This daydream ends quickly when I remember the five or so squashed woodchucks I saw on my way to work.

Head-butting. Aside from it's fantasticly inapropriate name, I just feel that this is such a fantastic combat method and I wish I were skilled in its manuevers. I mean, I couldn't even tolerate a head from a 3 year old. So naturally I try to imagine how I could strengthen myself in this area. But people, it's just skull. Is it possible to thicken one's own skull? And isn't this the type of sceario we've been categorically told to avoid…you know, having a thick skull? But I'm thinking now, that maybe if my head were'nt so fucking thin, that I'd have a way-cool life as a damn cage fighter or something. Those chicks wear some hot outfits.

Inventions. Just this weekend I was at a party and a friend of mine, Lana, was updating me on her brother. This guy had been serving in Iraq when he luckily broke his ankle. This earned him an early ride home and an honorable discharge. Now, according to Lana, he's moved on to inventions. He's got himself a contact with a CEO at some major car corporation as well as a patent lawyer. As we daydream, he's in talks to get his new idea on the market. That idea just happens to be an external automobile indicator that alerts the police when the driver is not wearing his or her seatbelt. Maybe this is just me, but this idea is a obviously similar to treason and even more inane than strapping a roll of toilet paper to your head when you've got a cold as some sort of Sinusitis head gear.

Odd surgical procedures. Penile Implants. Bulging eyeballs. Elephant humps. Anal bleaching. You get the picture. And this is such an excellent worktime daydream because you inevitably start googling images. Who could resist the urge to see such fantastic things displayed in color and on screen? Not to mention the naughty, dangerous awareness that your boss could walk in at any moment and find an anus filling the space on your monitor.

So those are my dreams. My big, beautiful dreams. But now I'm kind of stumped again, so let's hear yours. We could waste HOURS of time instead of mere minutes!

Last 5 posts by Jenna

• peace out, my lovlies - June 8th, 2007
• bringing sexy back - May 28th, 2007
• I'm no James Woods - May 21st, 2007
• fellow commuters: grunt! - May 14th, 2007
• No, no I don't. - May 7th, 2007