Stamped: October 18th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: lists, moods, neuroses.

There's something soothing about list-making. Being the astrologer that I am, I should be able to make some kind of connection to my sign, but I'm sure it has more to do with my own neurosis than my astrology. Regardless, my nerves are in need of some soothing. I just got done moving from an apartment to a house and am now finding myself fighting off a bout of the flu. And, swear to fucking God, I'm pretty sure I've never had the flu before.

1. Because when you know you're going to move, you're more likely to come home and puke on your upstairs neighbor's car rather than in the bushes. And then you're probably going to wake up at 5AM and scurry out in your PJs, head pounding, hair matted, because you're just realizing that having your insane neighbor (with whom you've been openly feuding) see a pleasantly round pile of vomit on his Volkswagen Rabbit is probably going to incite his furies upon your already damaged body.

2. Becuase the weather is always against you, people. It WILL rain. Even if you checked the damn Internet like 20 times to make sure that it would be OK to leave that dresser on the front porch because apparently you've downgraded to a smaller place and motherfucker just won't fit.

3. Because when the landlord told you that he would have the carpets professionally cleaned, he meant that the previous tenants would just throw some water on the carpet to give the semblance of such cleaning. This, in turn would leave your house with a pleasant aroma that exists somewhere between the world of cat piss and sour milk.

4. Because you remembered to pack all 20 of your electrical cords, but left your supply of beer at the old place.

5. Because moving puts everyone in a spectacular mood and you and your loved ones will likely find yourselves fighting over who the asshole was that decided to pack the goddamn toothbrushes with the goddamned soap only to get a not-so-fresh feeling in your mouths.

6. Because the old tenants were filthy slobs (did the carpet incident not give it away?) and left their fleas behind them to infest themselves on your two nocturnal cats.

7. Becuase evidently drowning your cats to kill the fleas is not a widely accepted method of pest control.

8. Because "it's so much quieter here!" but your new neighbors have chickens. And a rooster. And they like to sleep under your bedroom window.

9. Because when you're without Internet for a few days you have to shuffle around to post on your blog, giving you more time to come up with even weaker material.

10. Because the hidden perk of moving in is the hidden germs that have infested your bowels giving you uncontrollable, explosive diarrhea.

Last 5 posts by Jenna

• peace out, my lovlies - June 8th, 2007
• bringing sexy back - May 28th, 2007
• I'm no James Woods - May 21st, 2007
• fellow commuters: grunt! - May 14th, 2007
• No, no I don't. - May 7th, 2007