Stamped: October 23rd, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: cry for help, hot sex, unfunny.

I did have one once. I remember that much. In fact, I remember every damn detail of it. And I also recall sharing each of those details with as many people as possible, including those that became clearly uncomfortable at the start of my sharing.

But for all intents and purposes, no matter how much I'd like to or even how often I may have tried, I simply cannot have a sex dream. It just never happens. Well, ok, not never never. But I do have myself a bit of a situation. Aside from The One, (which shall be permanently rooted into my memory banks, even when I'm old and senile, I'm sure. Grammy, PLEASE stop telling us that story!) I have never had a sex dream that involves another human being.

So, are you with me now? Can we explore this for a bit please? Because it's not like my dreams are completely devoid of sexuality. In fact, I'll often have a dream where I'm fully aroused. But here's where the problem begins. Oye. How do I even say this…

How about a scenario? That's least humiliating, I suppose. Here's the never-wavering sequence of events:

1. I am typically in a public place and become aroused–savagely aroused–for no evident reason whatsoever. Normally, when we're explaining a dream, there's that moment when you invariably tell your listener that "well, it made total sense in the dream." Well, not so much here. I'm often wondering–mid-snore–why I'm suddenly horny. You know, while riding the escalator of all things.

2. I become overwhelmed with my need to orgasm. There is no visible solution to my, eh, problem.

3. Without undressing or offering explanation to friends, family, or strangers, I begin grinding my crotch against the nearest possible surface. This has included a metal pole and an escalator railing in the past. Only rarely will I actually use my own hands.

And you know the worst part? As I'm lying in bed, writhing around, I've got to be aroused in real-life too, you know? But I can never wake myself up enough to get some real-life action from the sexy stud next to me!

Sigh.

I don't know. Maybe if this were all less cyclical and seemingly telling of some deep-seeded, unexplored issues, I'd have less of a problem…Well, actually, no. Patterns or not, I'd still be grinding my clit upon the nearest possible firm surface and not against my boyfriend's bulging cock. And that is still quite the problem now, isn't it?

Last 5 posts by Jenna

• peace out, my lovlies - June 8th, 2007
• bringing sexy back - May 28th, 2007
• I'm no James Woods - May 21st, 2007
• fellow commuters: grunt! - May 14th, 2007
• No, no I don't. - May 7th, 2007