Stamped: November 3rd, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: get rich quick schemes, internet stuff, marketing.

The other day I came across a post about these new Wind Power Cards being sold at Whole Foods. The concept intrigued me because as the site explained:

When you buy a card, you don't get any wind-generated electricity delivered to your home however. In fact, all you get is a card that doubles as a refrigerator magnet. Actually, you don't even get any credits, it's just a word they use to give you a sense of getting something from your money. The money you spend goes towards helping Renewable Choice Energy buy and sell electricity.

Even better was the way they broke it down:

The cards are not even an investment, because you won't get any material value in return. It's all going to help another company get rich. Most companies seek investors to secure capital. But in this case, RCE is asking people for free money under the context of doing your part to help the environment.

Brilliant! Giving you the comfort in knowing that somewhere a windmill is churning just for YOU!

I immediately started thinking about ways to use the same concept here at Girlspoke. It came to me all at once. Why not invest in the future of your fellow man? That is, invest in the potential future blowjob of one of your buddies. What I mean is if you buy one of our cards you are guaranteeing that some lucky guy out there may get a blowjob. For every card sold an act of fellatio will be performed, it may not be on you and it may not be by one of us but someone somewhere will give/receive a blowjob, guaranteed. Sound too good to be true? It's not, in fact acts of fellatio are happening all around us but they have yet to be tapped into as a system of monetary gain to benefit the central organization of Girlspoke Enterprises. Until now!

This of course set my mind a-buzz. I immediately realized it would be even better to start our own Girlspoke credit cards. These stylish cards not only look good in your wallet but for every dollar you spend two dollars will go into the Girlspoke coffer to support our lingerie and wino habits, thus in turn exponentially increasing the chances of us posting raunchy pictures and engaging in questionable sexual acts. Win-win for sure! Don't miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity to own a piece of Girlspoke.

_{Annual Percentage Rate for Purchases 49.9%. Other Annual Percentage Rates: APR for Cash Advances 79.9% and Penalty APR 89.9% for Purchases. See Penalty Explanation below Fees for Issuance or Availability of Credit Account Set-up Fee: $299.99 (one-time fee) Program Fee: $199.99 (one-time fee) Annual Fee: $499.99 Participation Fee: $699.99 Annually++ Additional Card Fee: $299.99 Annually per card, (if applicable). Grace Period for repayment of balances for purchases: If you pay your previous balance in full on or before the due date shown on your previous statement you will have a grace period on purchases of 25 days (from the statement closing date to the payment due date), and can avoid finance charges on current purchases by paying the statement in full on or before the due date, if you do not we will draw your blood until you pass out. Method of Computing Balance for Purchases: Average Daily Balance (Including new purchases) Minimum Finance Charge $99.99. Transaction Fee for Cash Advances: Greater of $500.00 or 50% of the amount of the cash advance. Late Payment Fee: $259. Over Limit Fee $259 Monthly Account Maintenance Fee $299 per month on closed accounts with an outstanding balance of $20 or more. Transaction Fee for Purchases in Foreign Currency: 50.0% of the transaction amount. Blah blah blah. No blowjobs guaranteed.}

Last 5 posts by Meme

• Mama don't Preach - May 18th, 2007
• You don't have to Fuck Me twice to get the point across - May 11th, 2007
• Update: Newsworthy? - May 4th, 2007
• Nipples, Pasties and Lesbians - April 27th, 2007
• Vagina! - April 20th, 2007