Stamped: November 10th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: all things hot, sex toy review, toys.

I am aware that you are all busy, busy people and certainly have no time to spend on attempting new found heights of orgasmic bliss with some foreign motorized object between your legs unless someone you all love and trust has given you the go ahead. Thus I have taken upon myself the gruelling task of testing out free sex toys courtesy of lovehoney.co.uk so that you dear reader do not waste your time on sub par orgasms. And although I am still in mourning over my dearly departed tigger, I thought it was high time I moved on – for your sake, of course.

I’ve started myself off with Ben Wa Smart Balls or “Geisha Balls” from Fun Factory. Described as “Top-quality silicone-coated balls with a smaller set of internal balls that rotate silently as they move, creating incredible vaginal sensations.” A friend of mine raved about them, saying she keeps them in all day getting hornier and hornier as the gentle rolling sensation follows her every movement at the office until she rushes home to vigorously pounce on her boyfriend for some sweet, sweet release. Naturally my interest was peaked.

Now before I get into any juicy details about my own experience I have to take a minute and talk about the packaging of these Fun Factory Smart Balls. So many sex toys come in horrible boxes covered in pictures of vapid women with hair styles circa Dynasty and with the melodramatic fake orgasmic face that go right along with the bouffant ‘do. Those German geniuses over at Fun Factory use no such woman to adorn their packaging. The box is 70’s plastic orange, with miniature magnets holding cardboard flaps in place, which open to reveal sensual, honest and unassuming instructions. Swedish design meets Tokyo technology. And as the product comes from Germany there’s a fabulous Euro feel about the whole thing. All instructions, descriptions etc. are given in multiple languages, which are often jumbled up to create a fabulous glimpse of what Esperanto could have been.

I decided not to be as daring as my friend and chose not to wear them to work. Instead I experienced my first Smart Ball sensation in the comfort of my own home. Fun factory suggests lubricating the balls before insertion and despite already being wet at the mere idea of new sexual stimulation I decided to grease the spheres up with the supplied sachet of lubricant courtesy of Fun Factory.

My first indication that this was not going to be all it was cracked up to be was the awkward squatting and unsexiness of shoving two latex balls up my twat. It reminded me of the first time you’re taught to use a tampon – you want me to put what where? And the tampon parallel still continued as once they were finally inserted I find myself walking around with small white string hanging out of me (This string however is latex coated so not nearly as gross as the cotton ones – Tampax take note, there is room for improvement).

I put my panties back on and proceeded to walk around the house. The rolling sensations are certainly there. They felt strange yet nice. I was certainly very aware of inner parts of my pussy that I hadn’t noticed up until now. I liked it, but more in a curious way than a sexy way. I had to walk around with my thighs pressed together as I had this strange sensation that I was going to give birth to two turquoise Smart Balls at any minute.

Instead I tried lying down on my stomach and jiggling my ass to get the balls rolling. The rolling sensation started to feel more like gurgling in my crotch. Like the moment before you are about to have explosive diarrhoea due to Sushi you knew didn’t taste right but ate anyways and things are starting to churn down there, only this diarrhoea feels like it’s going to come out of your twat. I wasn’t impressed. And I sure as hell wasn’t feeling sexy. In fact I was feeling slightly nauseated.

The BF comes into the bedroom in hopes of reaping the benefits of the Smart ball effect. His first reaction was, “how is it making your butt do that?”

I decided that enough was enough and that it was time for something a little more substantial and less spherical to take the Smart ball’s place. I had to tell the BF to look away as I awkwardly popped a squat in the middle of the bedroom to yank out the soon to be discarded toy.

If any one else has tried them, I’d love to hear what you thought.

Betty’s Bottom Line: I Wish I could be reporting to you about intense Geisha Ball induced orgasms like my friend experienced. Alas I found these balls awkward and slightly uncomfortable. The idea of them turned me on more than anything else. Instead of actually using them I think I’ll just put them back in their pretty packaging and be content with the simple fact that I now have balls.

Last 5 posts by Betty

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