Heather’s Guide to More Attractive Self-Hate
Stamped: November 15th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: about us, rant.
Man, nothin gets me fired up like a douchy comment from a turd burglin fartwad who sits on his ass reading free entertainment and bitching about it. So when I read
"Do you ever actually write posts that require thought? I am sick of reading your gmail chats that require about 2 seconds of work (one to copy, one to paste). Get over yourself."
I had to fire back, so here we go:
Confidence is sexy, but not really. The only use confidence has to the modern dating male is an indication of lack of desperation- a signal that a lady is a catch, and even better, that she's not needy and won't end up clinging to him like a dingleberry on a warm summer's day.
Otherwise, our confidence does them no good. Nope, no good at all to the modern dating male. If we think we're fat, we won't show our skin to other interested males. That's efficient. They won't have to fight for us. If we think we're lame, we probably won't stray. If we ladies think we're nasty, we'll probably not get any wild ideas about being out of someone's league. And we'll certainly settle for less because we'll take what we can get. Maybe we'll even let the boys hit us around a little bit because we probably deserved it! And certainly we'll let you get away with fucking us without making us come.
Yes, female insecurity is certainly an advantage to the modern male. So I'll be goddamned if I make myself more attractive with modesty and apologies to please you fucking fuckwads. I like men, I like em fine … but not if they give me any lip … well … you know what I mean. Bad lip.
But being as I am the "full of myself" cunty overconfident woman, (translation: As long as I try my best, I don't give a shit about any of my flaws) I'll share with you my vulnerabilities and things I hate about myself … an activity I find far more self absorbed than simply getting over my flaws and moving on to think about more important things. So just for the sake of it, here we go.
I hate the following things about me:
- I don't have a crease between my ass cheek and my leg. It's unfortunate and it makes for a mysterious abyss of confused body part.
- The blackheads on my nose.
- How my face looks large, pale, and puffy sometimes.
- My untoned smooshy arms and nontriceps.
- The wrinkles that have developed around my eyes.
- How my pupils get really big and you can't tell my eyes are blue unless I look into bright lights.
- That I was raised with no identity- not quite American, not quite Dutch, not quite Jersey, not quite Jewish nor Christian nor anything really. Can't relate to anyone and have no real tradition.
- That a lot of people I grew up with don't talk to me. They probably don't like me anymore because I was often starting trouble.
- That I am compulsive and can't resist acting out bizarre ideas which lead to my embarrassment.
- Since I've been known to accidentally offend people Larry David style, I live in constant fear that what comes out of my mouth will create some kind of bullshit drama because I have no clue about … reality.
- That I know I can be really annoying cause I talk to much and get really hyper.
- That I am extremely demanding.
- That I sometimes think I am a novelty to men- a fun whacky girl to date but not to take seriously or take home to mom. Or love.
- That I cry really easily, especially if someone makes me feel like I've been bad.
- That in many ways I am a failure. I sucked at law school, even got fired from bartending. I sometimes wish I was better at being told what to do.
- That I can't ever pretend not to care. I get over emotional and am too sentimental about things.
- I can't decide things and am very picky. Choosing an ice cream flavor is very difficult for me.
- I can't play guitar and I don't understand sports.
- I'm addicted to popping blemishes and subject serious boyfriends to me popping theirs.
- I pick my nose and place the findings underneath surfaces such as couches and ma tresses.
- I have a temper with my family. I yell too much and it's disrespectful.
- I don't have enough time for the people I care about. I wish I was around more to see my niece and nephew growing up.
Fuck. I'm going to fucking cry now. Thanks a lot. I feel fat.
Last 5 posts by Heather
- On Sexyness - January 24th, 2007
- Goddamn I just really love me some makeup. - January 17th, 2007
- One more reason why nice guys finish last: - January 10th, 2007
- a little somethin special for all the ladies - January 3rd, 2007
- Mathematics of a year - December 27th, 2006
Heather,
I love your g-chat stories, they are hilarous. This guy is a fuck and he can go enjoy smelling the finger he likes to stick up his ass. As for the rest of this blog, I think you just described 95% of the population, female and male….besides maybe the booger part…that would probably be 99%.
su i think you meant hilarious, but other than that i’d have to say i agree.
Hells yeah! Don’t take any guff from those swine! And for what its worth, those flaws we can’t stand about ourselves are usually the most endearing traits to others…
Move forward. We’re all flawed, men and women both. Forget about assholes. Be happy with who you are: a perfectly imperfect woman. Sounds pretty good to me.
Great post, thanks for sharing.
Fuck ‘em. Just like radio, they can always turn you off by not reading your posts. The loss of one dickhead who doesn’t like what you post, isn’t really a loss at all. I tune in to Girlspoke for all the posts, even the one from Rizzo. He/she can take it or leave it, they could always start their own blog. I like it when i find your boogers
jr
i love a fiesty woman!…yeehaw!
Once you get by all of the flaws that we me have, yours are going to seem pretty darn insignificant. And believe me, a little fat sometimes makes you even more cute.
We honestly don’t even notice the things that you think are flaws. We just notice the best stuff. I met a really good friend just because she had the nicest brown eyes, and they sparkled when she looked at me - just for me I liked to think. She thinks she could lose some weight; I just think she’s gorgeous.
I’m not exactly sure I understand everything you’re saying, but personally, I am attracted to people who are humble and can acknowledge their flaws and insecurities. To me, I see that as a real sign of strength. I’m more attracted to women who are this way, and don’t try to pretend that they are “all that”. And I also prefer to be around guys, for my friends, who aren’t out to impress everyone. Am I some kind of an oddball because I feel this way?
Where is all the chick love?? Let’s go shopping, Heather. I just got done with a heathly dose of sobbing last night and my eyeballs are fucking puffins. I’d give you a hug, but my arms are even less toned than yours and I’d be embarrassed if they came so close that people could compare.
Jenna
xoxo
And here this whole time I thought you could play guitar. My image of the perfect you is shattered now
Um… you say you want to be married in 5 years. Good luck. As it happens, most guys, when looking home to bring a girl home to mom, don’t choose a foul-mouthed, obnoxious girl who talks about “cocks”, spreads her legs a lot, and binge drinks. Your American dream will instead be a lonely 40 year old who binge eats and has plastic surgery every week. You even know this already. These other guys sucking up to you, they secretly agree with me too. Have a good day!
Oh Jack, Jack, Jack. I’m not speaking for anyone but myself here, but there’s a difference between a writing character and the actual person. Plus, do you really think that any girl — regardless of her demeanor, etc. — is going to share the fact that she likes to spread her legs with “mom”?
What guy doesn’t love a bit of both worlds? You, evidently. But that’s probably why you’re bored with your sex life or relationships. But, ah, as you’d say: you know this already.
Have a nice day? Is that the best you can do for wit? Sigh.
hey Jack: cock cock cock cock
hahahahaha
Hey Meme, how do you know that bald guy doesn’t have a really big dick? Maybe he has a bigger dick than any you’ve ever seen, and you would jump right on it.
There, there. I guess we all have little flaws. I’ve always thought that I’m a bit smug and self-righteous. Like you, I have just had to learn to love myself in spite of that. It was a struggle for a while, but I’ve come to accept who I am and, hey… I can be smug, arrogant, kind of a prick now and then, and still feel good about myself.
Being somewhat of a role model in my marriage, I was able to help my wife with her own esteem issues. One day she was wearing metallic shoes before 6:00 p.m. When she realized it, she felt awful, like she had let me down or something. So, we sat down, had a little talk, and I helped her see that she could wear metallic in the daytime and still feel good about herself.
So, I say embrace yourself and all your perceived flaws.
By the way, I didn’t understand the comment about letting them get away with fucking us without making us come. Do women do that?
Holy shit, you’re me. Almost. For a moment there I thought I have multiple personality disorder and don’t know it, have been writing a blog as one person and have now found it as another.
“Plus, do you really think that any girl — regardless of her demeanor, etc. — is going to share the fact that she likes to spread her legs with “mom”?”
Jenna, I have to say that I thought this particular retort to Jack was, well, a bit on the insensitive side. (As it happens, I’m insensitive too, and I’m very sensitive about that. But I digress.)
I know Jack, and Jack actually dates his mother. So, I think this was an unfortunate choice of words on your part, but your heart was in the right place.
Aside from the identity thing (I’m 100# Chinese, which has its own issues), the eye thing and (for the most part) the nose picking thing, I hate myself for the exact same reasons. Like every point. Seriously. I’m debating whether we are the same person or not. Thus, I know exactly how you feel.
But really, what can you do? People say nice things when you bring it up but I know it only helps me momentarily. Then it’s back to the shitbag called life and you have to deal with it by yourself anyway (or keep saying whats on your mind about yourself and risk being called a whiny bitch).
Really though, being compulsive can be a good thing. It can get you into shit sometimes, but things turn out okay anyway and you did what you thought you had to do at the time. To be completely cliche, I’d rather regret something I’ve done than something I’ve not done. Right? Maybe? Okay, at least sometimes.
This is my first time commenting, but I’ve been reading since before you joined GS. I love all your posts.
♥
Damn. Amen, sister!!!