Stamped: December 12th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: all things hot.

Dear Edward Furlong,

I first saw you when I was 10. My dad rented Terminator 2 and I came in towards the middle to have a watch. And there you were in all your 14-year-old glory. I loved you from the moment I saw you. I truly thought I'd never love again after my ex-best friend Jennifer decided that Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block was hers and I couldn't love him anymore.

Until you.

Because of you, I discovered Seventeen Magazine and Tiger Beat and YM. Anywhere I could get your picture. You were on the cover of every math notebook I had from sixth to ninth grade. I had unauthorized biographies of you and Leonardo DiCaprio which I read almost as fervently as the Babysitters Club books that I adored.

Thank you for the signed picture in response to my many fan letters to you. It was your shining light that saw me through those dark awkward days of the early 90s. I knew you would love me even though I had those stupid pink glasses. You wouldn't care that I was 10 years old and already 5′8 and taller than every other kid on earth. You wouldn't mind that I was the world's worst at sports and always last picked for teams. You would enjoy watching TV with me everyday because I could tell from your fine face that you are a man who loves his TV.

My mom thought you looked like a girl but this is a woman who thinks Steven Segal is the epitome of hot for a white man. Her opinions are not to be trusted.

You broke my heart when you started dating the older woman. You seemed to be so into her. I didn't know about drugs in middle school, but now I know why you were drawn to the older lady. She probably had good drugs. Older people always do. I forgive you for that. I've dated my share of older men just for the perks.

I'm sorry that I I stopped loving you when I discovered The X-Files. It's just that your were seeing the older woman and David Duchovny is so ridiculously good looking. He kind of makes my heart stop a little bit.

But you were the first, Eddie. You were my first real celeb crush. True, I did love Joey M but he was never real to me like you, especially after that 4th grade bitch Jennifer laid down the law about me not getting to like him anymore. It's okay–I fixed her good–and she learned that she can't tell me who I can and can't like.

I used to practice kissing on my bed post and I always pretended it was you. I can tell that you will be a good kisser.

So thank you Edward Furlong. Thanks for smiling slyly at me whenever I opened my locker. Thanks for starring in such great films as A Home of Our Own and Pet Sematary 2. You made middle school a good place for me.

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