Stamped: December 14th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
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Right now I have the privilege and freedom of not being in love or enamored by anyone. Someone close to me refers to love as a "sickness of the mind" or a mental illness. Bleak, sure. But accurate? Maybe.

Gone is your autonomy and freedom while under love's intense pull. As a single person I feel focused as all hell on what I want as though I am standing in a wind tunnel, being pulled in one singular brisk motion toward some shiny glowing light. Surely if I was in love my tunnel would have all kinds of weird crap in it like teddy bears and arguments and having to watch sports even though I think sports are wastes of cathode rays that could better be used for showing me how to make pies on the food network or style secrets of the stars on every single other channel.

I ain't got nobody to answer to baby- it's all me!

Yeah, I do like being single now.

But I remember being in love and, well, loving it.

I remember wanting to call and talk all the time, needing that person to listen and needing their guidance whenever encumbered by any distress. I remember having a well stocked lingerie drawer and a reason to shave, like all the time. I remember caring only what he thought of whatever I experienced, watched, or enjoyed. I remember looking at some object thinking "He will love this!" and buying it for him. I remember ideal evenings consisting of snuggling on a couch with food and something good on the tv.

Yes, love is many things and love is great and all of that. But love certainly drugs the mind like any good opiate, influencing the course of the mind, the will and the destiny of any individual.

I remember all these things and yet I can't even remotely fathom wanting to have anyone to answer to right now. The very idea that someone could give me a reason to stay inside on any given fabulous New York City night terrifies me. So many adventures are waiting to be discovered. So many whiskies are waiting to meet my tongue. So many boys are waiting to be victimized!

I truly love not being in love right now. I fear anyone getting close enough to influence my mind, make me crazy, make me want them, think about them, talk about them all the time. I fear any person meeting me, knowing that I am taken and thinking, "Oh. She has a boyfriend. Stay back, you uninteresting leper!"

I feel free … like a flying pony that is not in jail.

Nobody's gonna capture me! I mean, not unless he's really dreamy and hearts going down for trips to yummy kitty canyon! Hellz yeah.

PS: one more thing the ladies surely love: Shoes.

Last 5 posts by Heather

• On Sexyness - January 24th, 2007
• Goddamn I just really love me some makeup. - January 17th, 2007
• One more reason why nice guys finish last: - January 10th, 2007
• a little somethin special for all the ladies - January 3rd, 2007
• Mathematics of a year - December 27th, 2006