Stamped: December 19th, 2006 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: children.

The Christmas season has got me thinking about babies. I have two little precious nieces and I love buying them clothes. So I've been in a lot of little kids shops this past weekend and those places are chock full of babies.

I love babies. Actually, let me correct myself. I love baby things. Baby humans, baby dogs, baby cats, baby anything. If it's a baby, I will want to hug it and squeeze it, I will smile really big, and I will feel like crying with happiness because that's what cute things make me do.

But as much as I love baby things, i'm not ready to be responsible for one. Which brings me to the subject of birth control. Which brings me to the subject of Planned Parenthood.

Like many of my poor hardworking New York artist friends, I do have a job. But I don't have insurance. So due to lack of insurance and being broke, my only alternative for birth control pills is a little place called Planned Parenthood. They have them for $20 a pop which is a price you can't beat even with insurance. But in order to get those little bastards you have to go in for a "consultation."

For those of you who have never been to Planned Parenthood, know this: As soon as you walk in you feel like everyone there is staring at you because they think you're probably about to get an abortion. At least, this is what I thought about everyone who walked in while I was waiting for my name to be called. And then I would feel bad for thinking it but as soon as someone else walked in past the metal detectors, I'd think the same thing again.

It was 8am and the girl on my right was taking notes in her geometry book. The girl on my left was quieting her twin toddlers in their stroller while still managing to furiously text on her Sidekick. At 25, I was the oldest person in the room by far. This both broke my heart and made me feel old. I also decided that if I ever decide to run for public office I'm going to make it my deal to provide free birth control pills to teenage girls.

I finally get in to see the doctor and I run into the same problem I always run into at the OB/GYN. No matter how grown up I get, it's still hard to say to any doctor these two lines:

"Yes, I do have sex."

"Yes, I do get my period."

Even worse is when she asked, "So, Brandy, do you have multiple sexual partners?"

To which I replied, "What do you consider multiple?"

She just gave me a little knowing smile and I'm pretty sure she penciled in "SLUT" on my chart.

Another highlight of the trip was when she asked checked my blood pressure and asked if I was anxious. I answered, "I'm not any more anxious that usual." But I was thinking, "I have been freaking out about my fucking frozen iPod all morning and it's fucking with my blood pressure. FUCK."

As I was leaving, I was layering up in the lobby, and I heard a great line. I know that it's more sad than funny but I still kind of laughed inside because I'm already going to hell.

A young girl, maybe 19 or 20 was talking on her cell phone and she says,

"Let's go to the Forever 21 at Union Square. They got my shorts I want. I got to meet you like around lunch though. I'm with my girl at the abortion clinic."

Last 5 posts by Brandy

• Hell House - November 9th, 2007
• 36 going on 11 - October 9th, 2007
• College was a good time. - September 25th, 2007
• I'm the easiet girl ever to break up with - September 18th, 2007
• Christmas Lights - August 28th, 2007