Did you turn your last girlfriend into a lesbian, or do you just wish you did?
Stamped: January 11th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: cry for help, hot sex, lesbian.
Well, that's a loaded question. Firstly, you'd be operating under the assumption that you had the power to do something that, well, someone is already born with. Awfully egotistical (or as I like to call it egotesticle.) Secondly, you have to realize that if she were to go lesbian after you, you wouldn't be able to partake. You realize that, right? Not even a peek.
Although, about 98% of the time after a bad break-up the thought enters a woman's mind, "I never want to see another man again, could I play for the other team?" Much like when a woman loses her job and thinks to herself, "I could always become an hooker, you know, just till I find another job." Both thoughts are fleeting but there nonetheless.
Now, I'm no man-hater by any means. But these days if one were to come within 15 feet of me I may be inclined to cause bodily harm, at the very least a drink in the face.
Then the other day, perhaps sensing my dislike in the male species, the nice folks at Showtime sent me Season 4 of The L Word to watch. I've never seen this show before since I don't have a subscription to Showtime. But I was ready to get into all the girl-on-girl drama, having been through a bit too much of the boy-on-girl drama lately. I got sucked in immediately. I doubt I'll be switching jerseys anytime soon, but I was struck by the fact that the myth about two woman hooking up would somehow be able to better understand each other just wasn't the case. Their relationships are just as fucked up and confusing as a hetero couple. Just because the female bond is there doesn't mean that they will instantly have insight into each other and everything will just flow and be natural.
This of course got me thinking. Penis/Vagina, Vagina/Vagina, Penis/Penis…however you put it, none of that matters. Relationships require a common ground. Why do we assume that members of the same sex will automatically understand each other? Sharing a similar gender experience does not qualify us as an expert into another person's psyche, only better at understanding each other anatomically. Inversely hating men or blaming his "masculine" qualities for the failure of the relationship or an inability to comprehend him is useless.
So, it's not fair for me to say that I don't want a man to come within 15 feet of me. Just not a man like the last one.
Back to lesbians. So like I said, I totally got sucked into the show. I watched all six episodes they sent me back-to-back. All of these women are smoking hot. Even the clubs they go to are filled with equally hot women, all making out and shit, not one ugly butch to be found nor a fat one. But let's just suspend our disbelief for the moment and assume that this is a realistic portrayal. This show is definitely ranked up there as a guilty pleasure, like Melrose Place but without so many penises. And sometimes a penis-free zone ain't such a bad thing. I can appreciate some female eye-candy and super-dramatic plots. The part I have a hard time with is that it lacks consequences. For example, when one of them crashes a car on drug-induced rage she just gets up and walks away, or another one kidnaps the baby she had with her ex-girlfriend and when she returns they decide on joint custody. Our prisons would be empty if that were the way things were handled. Or what about the one that's a Dean of a university that sleeps with one of her students, disciplinary action? No.
Maybe there's something about being a lesbian that I don't know about that shields you from consequences, like super hero powers? That would be so cool. I want super hero powers. Is that what taking the cock does to us straight girls? Takes away our super hero powers. Damn, why didn't someone tell me?
Then my contact at Showtime emailed me to tell me about an event they were doing on Second Life. They set up a place that looked like the Planet (the bar all the girls go to on the show.) Being the ever so curious type I checked it out. It was interesting. I was basically the straight girl sitting in the corner not talking to anyone (much like I'd probably be in real life). I guess I could never try out the lesbian thing because the idea of hitting on women is far more daunting than hitting on men. Because at least if you get rejected by a man you can blame it on his "masculine" qualities, you know, like he's a dog.
So, if you want to check out the show the next episode is airing on Showtime Sunday at 10pm.
Last 5 posts by Meme
- Mama don't Preach - May 18th, 2007
- You don't have to Fuck Me twice to get the point across - May 11th, 2007
- Update: Newsworthy? - May 4th, 2007
- Nipples, Pasties and Lesbians - April 27th, 2007
- Vagina! - April 20th, 2007
That “hello girls” pic is sooo hot.
And maybe you’ll like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EErOwBLC28M
Sorry about your superpowers, hopefully taking the cock will eventually make up for their loss. No Showtime for me either. I’ve never seen the L word, but I know some lesbians that are addicted to it. Somehow, i just can’t envision you sitting at the end of the bar not talking to anyone. Good luck, the right guy is probably right around the corner.
jr
Ah, dude. You should’ve called me. I could have been your wing-grrrl. Now *that* would be entertainment.
I don’t think Showtime was expecting you to give away spoilers when they sent you that DVD.
There’s only one insignificant spoiler…the other things I mentioned were in the show that already aired.
Well, I think lesbians are cool, so I guess I better get cable TV.
Meme–if you actually joined the fur trade, I’d picture you as the cocktail party lesbian, as opposed to the militant, jack-booted karate expert lesbian. You know, the kind that’s always slinking around in the silky party dress and pumps, with perfect hair and make-up, and always something witty to say. But, who knows? Maybe you’d be more the Andrea Dworkin type.
Some people go les and eventually get over it–witness Anne Haich (however you spell her name–remember Ellen’s little friend?). Then you could write a book–call it “Eight Years On the Other End of the Strap-On” or something.
BTW–its easy to hit on women. Just do what I do. When you see one standing in a bar, walk over to her, say “Hi,” throw-up on your shoes, and run away.
Fur trade? hahaha! I haven’t heard that one; I’m stealing it. You know, for when I talk about lesbians. Which is, like, all the time.
I’m confused, which end of the strap-on was I before?
Well, there was a reference to a strap-on in one of your pieces a week or so ago. I’d have to look for it. If you were on one end of it then, maybe this is the other. Dunno.
Usually my stuff goes to research for verification before I send it out, but I keep them pretty busy these days so I’m doing these blog comments on my own. Quality control issues.
Fur trade. Love it.
I agree with you about hitting on women. Men are easy. Men are stupid. You’d actually have to think when hitting on a woman… she’d actually have a chance of noticing that I’m full of shit.
Not worth it. I’ll take missing out on super powers over the amount of work needed to find a woman to sleep with. Just lazy I guess.
“when she returns they decide on joint custody.”
“what about the one that’s a Dean of a university that sleeps with one of her students”
Neither of those things happened in the first episode.
Chuck: Don’t you remember the scene in the lawyer’s office? Episode one. The lawyer talks them out of taking their custody battle to court. (title 3, chapter 4)
The second one is a spoiler but inconsequential.
Hey la fille,
Its not so much that men are stupid, more like in the presence of estrogen they turn into idiots. Sort of like Superman and kryptonite. Next time you are at a shopping mall on a Saturday afternoon, check out the 18 year olds. The 18 year old girls act like they are 23. The 18 year old boys act like they are 13. That’s a 10 year age difference. The guys never really catch up. But, then there’s the whole shelf-life issue that works in the guys’ favor. Especially at my age.
Life isn’t fair.
I can’t take credit for the fur trade observation. Somewhere on the net there is floating around a fake poster for Brokeback Mountain II. Two hot looking chicks. If I were up to date on my pop stars, I’m sure I’d recognize them. In any event, its pretty funny.
They talked about what they might do but nothing was decided.
And, I think that’s a spoiler. You say she gets away with it and you present a storyline I had no idea was going to happen.