A Dish Best Served Cold
Stamped: January 12th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: things i ♥, what if?.
After some recent comments by girlspoke uber-fan Dan I got to thinking about the concept of Revenge.
Dan wrote:
Hey Meme,
As I ponder this site, I get all sorts of ideas for spin-offs. Some of them might be charitable and entertaining, and in an odd way edifying, and others might be, well, gratifying but in a way that you wouldn't want others (except your closest friends and maybe your attorney) to particularly know about.
For example, have you considered 'revengespoke.com"? You could solicit ideas and suggestions, and tell the true-life stories of those who make a career out of pursuing creative, satisfying revenge.
I started thinking, "Maybe he's onto something." Maybe all I needed was a juicy dose of revenge. God knows I have tons of dirt on my ex, I'm sure his work buddies would be floored to know even 10%, and his parents would have coronaries if I told them what their precious son did. Tempting, very very tempting.
But I tend to be one to take the high road. Most of the time. And as they say…
"Living well is the best revenge."
-George Herbert
English clergyman & metaphysical poet (1593 - 1633)
Or is it?
I was thinking about it the other night and I realized something. If I were to run into my ex and find out he was "living well" I would know it had everything to do with me and I could take full credit for it. Because before me he wasn't living well, he was actually living a pretty piss-poor existence. So if he were to improve his life it would be because A. being with me opened his eyes and/or B. he was only improving his life to prove something to me. The best revenge he could get would be to go back to his pathetic life as per before me and be content with it, that would fucking piss me off.
I've decided to do just that. In essence, I will make like he never existed. Since my life was better off before I met him it won't be so bad.
But I'll tell you this much, if he ever pursues a career in politics like he always talked about I will not hesitate for a second to write the book and go on Oprah.
Last 5 posts by Meme
- Mama don't Preach - May 18th, 2007
- You don't have to Fuck Me twice to get the point across - May 11th, 2007
- Update: Newsworthy? - May 4th, 2007
- Nipples, Pasties and Lesbians - April 27th, 2007
- Vagina! - April 20th, 2007
Well, um…, of course, I was talking about revenge only in a purely speculative sense. Not actually advocating that one go and do harm to one’s ex in real life. But, there is some satisfaction that can derive from asking one’s self “what if…”
Meme, its possible that you are working with a false dichotemy. It isn’t necessarily “either/or.” I mean, sure, he could go back to his pathetic life pre-Meme, and he could also continue to live well, with you taking full credit.
A third possibility is that he could continue to live well, with his new girlfriend–a 23 year old natural blond with big tits and a tiny ass, and a voracious sexual appetite who thinks he’s a genius for living so well and he says “Well, credit where credit is due–its all because of Meme,” and she squeaks “Ooohhh, Meme sounds so cool, when can I meet her…” and, well… it could get ugly.
It was in the context of this third possibile outcome that the notion of revengespoke occurred to me.
You are right. The high road is usually the best road. Not always though. Back in my days of spiritual seeking, I landed a gig driving His Holiness the Dali Lama around in his Mercedes. One time we were parked in a ramp, and some guy was parked really close to us, there was a ding on the Dali Lama’s side of the car, and the Dali Lama got so mad he keyed the guy’s car really good. Scratched something like “Open your heart to the infinite love that is the Buddha,” all over the hood of the guy’s car.
Later, as we were driving down the highway drinking ponies and shooting out mailboxes with the Dali Lama’s sawed-off shotgun, I said “Your Holiness, you teach non-violence and non-aggression. Why did you key that guy’s car?”
His Holiness responded: “Dan, don’t be such a fucking wimp. That guy really pissed me off. He deserved it. I’m actually doing him a favor because I gave him the opportunity to discharge that bad karma in this lifetime, that way he won’t come back as a wombat in his next life. Let’s stop at this bar up the road and pick up some bitches.”
Who knew?
[IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I don’t need a bunch of Tibetan Buddhists tracking me down and going all kung fu on my ass for dishonoring their spiritual leader. So, any similarity between the purely fictional characters described above and real life personages is coincidental. Opinions expresed herein do not reflect those of the network or the writer.]
I totally wanna hang out with this Dali Lama dude, sounds like a hoot.
And the only way a 23 year old blond bombshell would date my ex is if she’s an escort. Seriously.
Oh and by the way, Dan, you’re freaking nuts. Love it.
You know what the best revenge is?
Living life the best way you know how and waiting for the day when you hear that someone saw your horrible, horrible Ex stealing a BASKET from a food market looking terrible and run down.
…oh, and making sure you write some part of the breakup into all the stuff you write from then on. It works wonders. And someday, when you get published, he’ll feel like SUCH a shit.
Dan. Frightening. You are frightening me.
Meme, I would love one of my ex’s to get famous just so I could write the book. Are you kidding? That’s beyond revenge. That’s getting rich revenge. Yes!
I hope he becomes bald, fat and impotent in very near future.