Stamped: February 14th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: complaint dept., holiday hijinks.

It’s that time of year again when single people all band together to bitch and moan about this mushy, hallmark forced, fuck you if you’re not in a relationship holiday we call Valentine’s Day. Just to set the record straight this holiday is no picnic for us couples either.

Our levels of romance, the possible longevity of our relationship and whether or not we still have that spark seems to all be on the line here. People judge you on your Valentine’s activities. Does your boyfriend love you enough to buy you roses? Is he original enough to not buy you roses? Are you the kind of couple that is able to muster up some old Hollywood romance at least once a year? Are you a “present giving” girlfriend or a high maintenance woman that would never dream of buying something for your other half but would gladly eat his balls for dinner if he did anything less than fork out a couple hundred on jewellery, dinner and chocolates? Does your relationship still have enough passion that you’ll jump at any excuse to buy a new pair of crotchless panties and act the V-Day slut, or are you now in the constant granny panty phase?

And of course whenever you hear a woman say, “Valentine’s Day is a cheesy greeting card invented holiday, we’d never buy into that, and besides, we don’t need an excuse to be romantic” everyone around her is thinking: Poor girl can’t train her man to come home with some candy and give her a foot rub every once in awhile, so she’s convinced herself “they’re not that kind of couple”. If a guy says the same thing, most men are thinking: You lucky bastard, how did you dodge that land mine?

Then there’s that dreaded “special occasion” sex. Like “Birthday” Sex, or “I Just Got a Promotion” Sex. Sex that is supposed to be handcuff and whipped cream special because that is what is expected of you almost always falls below expectations. I much prefer the spontaneous “I’ve been away for two weeks on business and suddenly your tongue is inside my panties before the cab even has a chance to pull out of the driveway" Sex.

So you see, Valentine’s sucks for everyone (and not always the good kind of sucking). But naturally I’m just saying that because my boyfriend only buys me flowers when he’s three sheets to the wind in a seedy bar and some illegal immigrant gives him a good deal on a wilted Rose.

Last 5 posts by Betty

• Going Geisha so you don't have to - November 10th, 2006
• Baby Jane gets laid - September 22nd, 2006
• Wax on, Wax off - August 25th, 2006
• My summer is filled with beer and balls - June 14th, 2006
• So..any lawyers out there wanna wine and dine me? - May 11th, 2006