Stamped: February 26th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: around town, children, complaint dept., new york, rant.

I'm a forward-thinker. If I'm not happy with something, sure I bitch and moan a tad, but generally don't dwell there. It's all about exacting change, people. And recently, I came to terms with something very near and dear to my heart: the great state of New York. That's right. You see, I love my great state, but, sadly, some very real and major flaws have planted themselves upon her visage like a splattering of damn leeches.

So, here, allow me to bitch and moan a bit, but–simultaneously!–offer my cures (or, some may call them opinions, or mere suggestions).

Shall we? In list form, of course, here are my top three:

New York would be the most perfect place on the planet if we could just make the following cuts…(in no particular order.)

1. Eliminate New York, the city, that is. Unfortunately, this urban sprawl shit is really kicking my real-estate-shopping ass. Especially after 9/11, the prices of houses in my area have nearly doubled. Talk about b-a-n-a-n-a-s. (Whoa. Never realized how difficult it is to spell a word when you need to place hyphens between each letter…try it!) I just think the trade-off of world culture and all that jazz would be worth it for my finances.

NYC has also perpetuated the silly (using restraint there) notion that anything above it shall be deemed "UPSTATE." Which means that the ENTIRE STATE is UP from ITSELF. Yeah. Ponder that one and get back to me.

2. Abolish all winter morons. I love having seasons. It's one of the top reasons I love where I live other than it's proximity to the Hudson, major military bases, and that place I just suggested we axe. (From hereon in to be referred to as, my ass) Unfortunately, other people find this region attractive and they move here from southerly locales. When the snow comes, and they have to drive a car around in it, they do all of the following:

3. Murder, imprison, or otherwise destroy all persons with airs of entitlement. I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but there is an epidemic here, and I'm beginning to conceed that it is "a New Yorker thing." Or (hopefully) maybe it's just bad parenting. If that's the case, then I'd like to do away with all parents. Yes, all of them. I'm all for throwing the baby out with the bathwater if it's going to mean I don't have to deal with snobbing teens driving sporty cars, wearing to much makeup and hair product, flipping me off for not getting out of THEIR way. Because, I'm sure, they have somewhere very important to be. Some place where they must be doing excessively important things. For, like, important people. And, why, just today? I witnessed a couple of kids driving said car, appearing with said forms of excess upon their bodies, sitting at a red light. And you know what the girl in the passenger seat did? She littered. Guess what she tossed out the window? A key. That's right. A KEY. Who litters a damn KEY?!

*Deep breath*

So, what do you think? I'm gonna go ahead and Carbon Copy Senator Clinton on this. She's probably looking for a good cause to launch her ahead of Obama. I think this would be just the ticket.

Last 5 posts by Jenna

• peace out, my lovlies - June 8th, 2007
• bringing sexy back - May 28th, 2007
• I'm no James Woods - May 21st, 2007
• fellow commuters: grunt! - May 14th, 2007
• No, no I don't. - May 7th, 2007