Saying Goodbye To My Crush
Stamped: March 21st, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: angst, blue balls, crushes, dicks, heartbreak, love blows, mail order brides, regrets.
Now that I have had to say goodbye to my crush of the last few years, I realize what a big part crushes play in your life—even long past adolescence.
I had spent the last three years totally burning for this man (no longer referring to him as "The Dick"). During that time; he was the inspiration to an endless amount of stories and poems (I can only do poetry when in the throws of teen-like angst that can only be felt when crushing on someone that you can’t have). He was also the cause of some of my happiest moods, most miserable and heartbreaking lows and many days; the only reason I bothered to show up at work. But now, even sadder than lying in bed wanting him more than ever after a night of hanging out with him, is the loss of the sweet hope that accompanies a crush.
What keeps you crushing is that glimmer of hope that comes from the belief that you two should be together, so when you find out that he has taken off to another country and gotten married—no matter how silly you think the marriage is; there is nothing left to be hopeful of when it comes to him. Sure, you can hope that one of them comes to their senses and opts for an annulment, or even hope that something heavy—like an anvil—falls from a window and crushes him so he too can understand the pain and hurt of being crushed, but you somehow finally know not to waste another moment wanting him.
I spoke to my crush yesterday and though I didn’t verbalize it; finally said goodbye and ended an era. I wanted to wish him well and mean it, because after all, my love for this guy was sincere, as was my concern for his happiness, but I guess I am just not that mature or evolved yet. Of course I want to see him happy, but certainly would have preferred to see him happy with me!
So, after all the tears and the many nights spent alone in bed feeling the female equivalent of blue-balls and a good cry, (my first since finding out that he got married) I have finally exorcized my crush—for real this time.
Love’s a bitch.
Last 5 posts by Adrie
- To Fuck Like A Man - January 17th, 2008
- A Momentary Lapse In Judgement - January 7th, 2008
- Lying To The Girl You Fuck. Fa la la la la - December 21st, 2007
- Piss Off! - December 6th, 2007
- Kiss Me I'm A "Stewardess" - November 5th, 2007
What do you mean you are not that ‘evolved’, I think it’s great that you were able to come to terms with what happened, and speaking from experience (after reading your post I realized that there are crushes that I have pretended to get over and forget about but never really have) i think you’re awesome! Way to go girl!
Nat
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I was making my own self riding on a roller coaster. At the end I realize I was alone all along. It hurts.
I will NOT let myself wish he felt the same about me as I felt about him. No more J*! And I hope when it happens again, then I will end happily ever after.
When I have a crush on someone, I get painfully nervous in unhealthy manner and my mind is as in the middle of tornado, I completely make a big fool out of myself. YES I HAVE DONE THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL AND SOME YEARS AFTER, I STILL DID IT RECENTLY. AND OF COURSE, I WILL BE REMEMBERED AS A WEIRD IDIOT IN HIS MIND FOREVER NOW. DAMN IT DAMN IT, WHY!!!!!