help me out
Stamped: March 26th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: cry for help, lists.
I'm not a dumb girl. Quite intelligent, acutally. But there are so many things about this world that baffle me. I mean, I get it…this is a great big world that we're not meant to fully comprehend. But, c'mon. Some things? Some things make me want to yell at people. Maybe it's my lack of common sense; they say the book smarts create that see-saw effect after all, don't they?
The thing is that I'm not talking about the obvious non-sensicals. Like why people listen to Eminem or why they wear socks with their Birkenstocks. I get it. Personal freedomk, yadda yadda yadda. What I've got is some monumental shit that very well may knock you off your axle for a mere moment. Brace yourselves (sure, grabbing your desk will do fine) and continue reading.
I'm bringing it to the proverbial table with the hopes that you can help me discern the existence of the following baffling phenomena. Thusly, here are my current top three, presented in glorious list format:
1. Why do men take so long to take a shit? Are they clogged up? Are they masturbating? Does it take a while to get things moving? Wouldn't you rather spend that time doing something else? From my experience, I think it's got something to do with an "alone time" that doesn't equate to cranking one out. And, is it me or is it slightly disturbing to think that such alone time should take place not only in the bathroom, but while one is pantless and vulnerable.
2. When you're dying your hair, there is a step that invariably–regardless of brand–appears toward the end of the process. Before you rinse all that gooped chemical from it's neat pile on the top of your head, you're supposed to add a little water and work into a lather. And then you rinse it. What the fuck is that supposed to do? Was the ammonia and other shit not effective enough? Pretending that you're now simply using it as a potent shampoo product is going to trick it into, like, finishing it's attack on your follicles or something? What?
3. Why do construction vehicles have gigantic, blaze-orange signs instructing everyone to its posterior that we should not follow it? I mean, we're not retarded (well…most drivers aren't) enough to follow a dump truck down a gravel road or some shit. Do they think that these trucks put people into trances or something? You don't see us losing sight of what we're doing and suddenly involved in a high speed chase because–oops!–we followed a state trooper, do you?
Just try to roll those over in your mouth a bit and see if the ceiling doesn't cave in. Ok, maybe this really isn't ceiling-caving material, but it bothers me, ok? It really, really bothers me.
Last 5 posts by Jenna
- peace out, my lovlies - June 8th, 2007
- bringing sexy back - May 28th, 2007
- I'm no James Woods - May 21st, 2007
- fellow commuters: grunt! - May 14th, 2007
- No, no I don't. - May 7th, 2007
Ah yes, and a lovely list it is. Well, I can only speak on the first item you list and it’s the alone-time-thing-when-dropping-a-load, and it usually coincides with reading. If you’re sitting, reading the newspaper outside the head, some fucker might think because you’re ‘just’ reading, it’s cool to break that up with some news about their dog or kid.
Guys aren’t about talking in the bathroom, especially when you’re dropping a heater. A public restroom, maybe some salutations at the urninal, but for the most part, guys don’t break the ‘don’t talk, don’t look’ policy. From what I know, girls get chatty once they break into the confines of the bathroom, and travel in packs. HA, you’d never get any reading down that way!
Basically, for every 15 minutes we’re in there, we’re probably only doing 5 minutes of any actual work.
Jenna Jenna Jenna, I’ll try to add my insight.
1) I bet this is diet related. While girls are eating salads and their veggies, boys are attempting to eat nothing but cow, and cow moves through the digestive system a little slower.
2) I must have used the wrong hair dye. Maybe if I had picked something besides the cheapest one I could find, I would’ve been able to participate in this magical lathering step. And yeah, I used to dye my hair a lot.
3) Living in Texas, all dump trucks seem to fling rocks out constantly and I thought the signs were meant as a little disclaimer. If a rock flew out and smashed your windshield, they could always say “hey, didn’t you read the sign?”
One comment later and I’m still not “finished.” Maybe I should eat more veggies.
hey jenna,
wat up! if u wake up in bed and r rele aroused in bed, jump on ur man and start fucking him long and hard. If he tells u 2 get off of him say just let me finish my fantasy/orgasm/good time. then go 2 the website: www.freesexpictures.com it’s an awesome site that will definetly cure those cravings. Hope i helped nicky