is he a creep or is it just my commitment phobia again??
Stamped: April 4th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: commitment issues, cry for help, online dating, sneaky creeps, weirdos.
I was on a personals site while researching an article and amidst the flurry of friends who have met their lovers/spouses/time-stuffers online, I decided to create a half ass profile (no pic, no names) and give it a go. I admit that I have a teeny issue with commitment (please try to ignore the laughter of my friends) and have never really considered online dating the way to go, but I really did open my mind to trying it out - as much as I could anyway.
I began emailing with this one guy who seemed ideal: attractive, tall, broad shoulders, big hands - he seemed to have it all. I forwarded some pics and he too was pleased with what he saw (naturally).
After the first couple of emails I noticed something worrisome and have tried to explain it to my friends - but the bitches all prefer to analyze my commitment issues instead! How about you readers write in and give me your take on it, cuz' I think I've got a fucking nut-job on my hands!
The issue; he says my name in every email. If we email back and forth 5 or 6 times in a row, he uses my name in each one, even if only 2 minutes apart from the previous email! I don't mean he starts off the emails with: "Dear Adrie". No-no-no! It goes somethin' like this:
Me: Here are some pics so u can put a face 2 the name. Do u have msn or messenger?
Him: You are very attractive Adrie. Its a pleasure to meet you. Yes, I do. Add me Adrie
Me: So, I enjoy the beach, cocktails, travel. What stuff r u in2?
Him: I love the beach too Adrie. Maybe we'll go 2gether one day.
Me: Maybe. So I was at a great Indian restaurant in your neighbourhood last night called Everest - do u know it? I love living by the lake, we've got the greatest bars and eateries.
Him: Yes. You're very sweet. Adrie I love the beach too.
(me puzzled at why he's repeating himself)
Him: I work for a big company Adrie.
Me: Do u have any pets? I'm a big pet lover myself.
Him: I used to have a dog. I miss him deeply. Adrie. I would love to meet.
Me: Oh, so sorry - I know how hard it is to lose a pet. Yeah, we can meet one of these days.
Him: You're gorgeous. We can say hello and have coffee. Adrie. Its a distinct pleasure to meet you.
And that is basically how ALL of his emails go!! And before you ask: Yes, English is his first language!
See??? You've gotta see what I mean right? I picture this guy leaning over and squeezing my arm as he stresses my name "Adrie" with one hand while holding an ice pick in the other as he walks me through a dark alley. Its just creepy and no matter how cute or allegedly successful he is; saying my name like that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Do you think I'm just looking for reasons to not meet him? Would you not be put off by his stalker/sneaky creep/icky pervert tone?? What the fuck?? It can't be just me, can it??
Last 5 posts by Adrie
- To Fuck Like A Man - January 17th, 2008
- A Momentary Lapse In Judgement - January 7th, 2008
- Lying To The Girl You Fuck. Fa la la la la - December 21st, 2007
- Piss Off! - December 6th, 2007
- Kiss Me I'm A "Stewardess" - November 5th, 2007
Sounds like a guy who read some kind of “how to make people like you book” and diligently remembered the chapter that says say her name often.
I do have to admit that’s a bizarre practice. The only person I message frequently only uses my name, her name, or some appropriate nickname once in a while. Though we’re not just meeting so it’s not entirely related.
But I have done a miserable job with online dating sites myself. And one time I got a message from a girl who was pretty attractive and sounded nice so I responded (against my better judgment, hmm I never used to be this cynical). After a few emails back and forth I had the feeling I was talking to a machine. I assume not literally, but the phrasing sounded a lot like the guy you’re referring to. Not really talking about anything in particular and pulling unrelated tidbits of conversation.
The girl I was talking to disappeared from both the emails and the dating site after only a few days so I’m not sure what the deal was. Hopefully your guy IS a robot and not some creepy stalker.
Hey ADRIE (couldn’t resist)
I’ve known my husband for eleven years and he never and I mean NEVER calls me by name. Pumpkin, sweetie, honey, you-with-the-hair, yes, my actual name..Pauline…NEVER. In fact if he did call me by name I’d think that a piano was about to fall on my head!
When other people call me by name (especially boy people) it feels really wierd..
Tell your friends the guy is a freak who probably has Alzheimer’s at least, and at most a disturbing lack of personality (think 40yr old virgin). Good luck ADRIE! (see, it is creepy!!)
I’m with Dave. Total freak.
That’s soooo creepy :\ !!! that seems like something someone would do when they wanted that person to trust them by showing a relationship between you and themselves, even if there isn’t one. To be honest id be really freaked out, and i mean common does he have any personality at alllll, obviously not lol
its not your commitment fear, it’s your instinct that this guy is strangeee.
ava
ignore the numerous spelling mistakes i made =\. it’s been a long day haha
ava xo
yeah he’s a weirdo-
but I cant believe that English is his first language-he writes exactly as an ESL student would-I teach ESL students-and he makes classic mistakes. Native speakers make different types of grammar errors because they approach the language differently!
so following this line of thinking-he may be using your name alot because he doesnt know not to do so in our culture-or he thinks it’s way of showing affection or endearment. Either way, does it really matter-?! If it freaks you out-and it makes your gut give a little upset rumble…then stay away-instincts rule overall other logic.
and fuck the commitment issues stuff-who cares? so you havent found a loser to who you will attach yourself only to have to disentangle your lives in 25 years when he cant get it up anymore-no worries…dont look for mr. right—look for mr. right now
To ADRIE@SFU who just posted a comment:
Holy Crap! You know another thing that’s creepy?? Seeing a comment posted by someone with the same name!!! Is your name really Adrie too or are you just trying to freak me out further?????
Either way, thanks for the advice and taking the time to comment… u stalker.
Hi. To me, it’s not so much the calling you by your name all the time that’s the weirdest part of that messaging. The thing is, I really couldn’t pinpoint what’s troubling me most in there. Everything that guy says seems to be so damn rubbed in honey, if you see what I mean, I really would hate it myself if someone I didn’t know was to say things like “you’re very sweet” or “you’re gorgeous” all the time, sounds like he’s such a kiss-ass, it’s almost unbearable. Also, if you try and follow the course of his thoughts, you feel like there’s no real depth there, he’s just politely listening (and not very good, seeing how he repeats himself and does not answer questions), waiting to ask when you’ll be able to meet him. I picture him like a much much older guy than he says he is (whatever he said), who has no clue what to talk about, and thinks that calling you by your name all the time gives him a Sinatra quality he doesn’t really possess. I’m sure he’s the kind of guy who makes little dance moves with two champagne glasses, a rose between his teeth, and a Hugh Hefner robe on your second date.
Maybe its not him. Maybe its his AI or cybertwin doing the talking..
No question, this dude is ESL. There is not one iota of doubt in me about that; I have a few penpals, and south americans and africans especially will use and abuse your name like it’s a magic totem.
Despite the language barrier, some of these folks can and do have personality to spare; it’s just tougher to find. However, my worry is that you’ve gotten hold of a burgeoning spam artist learning the ropes. This, too, is a common practice in a few countries. Just because it’s a real person, and the verbal tick of using your name is explainable, does not mean that the person you’re dealing with is savory. So proceed with caution.
D