Stamped: April 18th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: aging gracefully, being single, Chuck Norris, Facebook, friends and losers, my ego, singletons, soccer moms, white trash.

If I had written about Facebook a couple of months ago, it would surely have been to rip it apart and bitch about how I just can't seem to get into it and can't be bothered, but these days I am singin' a very different tune. Before you throw up in your mouth a little; this is not going to be some cheesy eulogy about how some old friends or lost loves have found their way back to eachother, but instead a selfish little diddy about how Facebook has been great for my undeserving ego.

Me: a sex writer, single in my early thrities, still quite juvenile in my behaviour and probably less ready to settle down now than I was even in my teens. While these are all things that I am not ashamed of; I did struggle with them many times. I have cried and bitched and been cried to and bitched at for not being married. I have tried desperately to understand why I don't yet feel ready to settle down and been constantly haunted by the bar that my parents and many relatives set: married by twenty, two or three children by thirty and happy together for eternity. As for the sex writer part — the many men who aren't intimidated by it are just downright offended. My bad for still thinking I could marry someone Portuguese and ol' school like my grandparents always wanted.

Anyhow, I got invited to Facebook by several people and just disregarded the invites until being practically beaten into submission. I was very half-assed about the whole thing; no stats but my name, and as a profile pic — a mildly offensive but funny pic of Chuck Norris. I would pop in every couple of weeks and find messages from former co-workers, classmates and the occasional random guy who just liked Chuck Norris. I was still very much bored by the whole thing, until one morning after one of those horrible dates where you pity yourself like never before and curse God for not making you the marryin' kind — something on Facebook cheered me right the fuck up –making me take notice of the amazing tool I had in front of me. There on my screen was a message from a girl that I hadn't talked to in years. In her email she referred to that fact that I was still single as though mocking me. I clicked on her profile just wanting to see what I was dealing with before shooting off a sarcastic reply and what I found shocked me like never before. This girl (and I use the term loosely) who was once one of the most attractive girls I had known, had become an ugly, crusty, soccer mom. Nothing against regular soccer moms of course as I do looove my soccer, but this was white trash at its finest! You know what; soccer mom is the wrong label as it's clear that she is more the tracker-pull or smash-up derby type.

It was at that moment that I decided to check out other profiles and look up some of those people I had lost touch with when they got married and decided that they were just too 'grown up' to stay friends with a simple singleton, a.k.a. slut like myself. Much to my elation, each profile seemed to have at least one of the ego boosters that I was hoping for: the word "divorced" or a horrible pic or rant about how much they loathe their jobs or their lives. Priceless.

In a matter of minutes I found that the girl whose relationship, engagement and then marriage that I had been most envious of was in the process of a divorce. The prettiest girl in my class whose frost and glow hair was the envy of many; now heavy, tattered, bored and working at Wal-Mart. A guy who I messed around with and secretly burned for even though he was in a relationship — still dating the same women who, judging by the pics; seems to have more wrinkles on her face than the ass of my ninety year old grandmother!

Thank you Facebook for making me proud to be single and holding out for THE guy or nothing at all. And for making me even prouder to be flighty, juvenile and a self-admitted perv who spends much of her day thinking of and writing about sex. Also, thank you for the joy that comes from realizing that others haven't aged nearly as gracefully as I have.

Oh my dearest Facebook, you've made me prouder than ever to be me.

Last 5 posts by Adrie

• To Fuck Like A Man - January 17th, 2008
• A Momentary Lapse In Judgement - January 7th, 2008
• Lying To The Girl You Fuck. Fa la la la la - December 21st, 2007
• Piss Off! - December 6th, 2007
• Kiss Me I'm A "Stewardess" - November 5th, 2007