You don’t have to Fuck Me twice to get the point across
Stamped: May 11th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
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Mmmmm, sex.
Funny thing about sex is all the delusions we fill our head with. Case in point: A couple years ago I was dating a guy with whom on every level we seemed to be a match made in heaven, like two characters in a Woody Allen movie, slightly off-centered, same taste in food, wine, movies, books, and finishing each others sentences.
(blah, blah, barf)
I wanted more than anything for him to be the perfect lover as well. When we finally did take the plunge he bombed (or maybe it was me, who knows.) We tried in vain all night to get it right. From his over-medicated non-existent erection to his lazy tongue (when you're used to the high speed on the Hitachi Magic Wand, someone's slow tongue lapping at your clitoris like it's a Tootsie Pop on Sunday afternoon just doesn't cut it.)
After breakfast he walked me to the subway station and we said our goodbyes. The entire 20 minute train ride I tortured myself trying to come up with scenarios that could make this relationship work.
"Maybe I could get him to stop taking anti-depressants."
According to my friends, limp-dick was a direct correlation to his pills. But what happens when he stops taking the medication and we can't hold a conversation cause he's crying all time but we're fucking like bunnies. (This solution is still viable if I can manage a work-around for the blubbering.)
"Perhaps he would like it if I brought my toys in the bed."
In the past I've had mixed reactions to this one. Some guys take it as an insult, that my need for toys means they're inadequate. It's not that they're lacking, I normally enjoy the sex, but frankly if they're not willing to put in the time I'm doing what I have to do to get mine.
"He's perfect in every other way, so maybe I could just have a fuck buddy on the side."
Eureka! That's it. Although, I've never been very good at lying so he would have to consent to my extra-curricular activities. Yeah, um, don't think that'll go over very well.
In the end I realized it wasn't going to work out and never went back for round two. So next time Mr. Perfect comes around, I implore him to fuck me, fucking fuck me. Really, really fuck me. Don't mess around when you're giving me the good stuff, fuck me right the first time.
Last 5 posts by Meme
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— 10 May 2008 @ 6:06 am
Comments
Sex doesn’t come with do-overs. And it shouldn’t, right? I mean, aside from one’s first time EVER (no comment… I was excited!), those other first times are probably pretty damned indicative of what it’s always going to be like. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. Luckily, it’s a two person thing. In a perfect world, Limpy went out and found someone who likes slow licking or crying. And you find a Mr. Perfect who finishes the sentence, “Throw me up against the wall and…”
Honestly, I’ve never understood men who were offended by women incorporating sex toys in their relationship. Oddly enough, I always knew plenty about them, but had never owned my own toys until going to a party my mother’s co-worker was throwing and she didn’t want to go without me LOL
Friends of mine always ask me to look for the best deals on everything, so sex toys would be no exception. While looking for the lowest price I could find, I also did “research” on each toy and familiarized myself with it in case someone asked me general details. My boyfriend always thought I should buy myself some toys. At the time, we were in a long distance relationship.
My opinion on it, was I was born with ten sex toys naturally which require no extra cost for batteries. I didn’t see anything wrong with using them, I just didn’t equate the extras they would bring. Then when I had gone to the toy party, the woman hosting it was surprised to find out I did not own any toys myself, but knew every question asked about every toy presented. I had asked the woman from the company what starter toy she would suggest for me. She recommended the bullet. Best $6 I ever spent LOL
We’ve acquired a collection … He and I do incorporate sex toys occasionally and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it! He knows it doesn’t mean anything against him. It’s another way for me (and essentially US) to receive the utmost pleasure available! So again, it baffles me why men would be “against” such a thing. The only answer I can come up with would be they have over inflated egos and lack of desire to truly pleasure a woman they’re with in all possible ways. It’s a damn shame!
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Good thing you got out…b/c it doesn’t get better!
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