Stamped: May 22nd, 2007 | Toggle Similar
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This won't be long but it needs to be said.

I've held my tongue for all of middle school, all of high school, all of college.

I smile and nod politely, I pretend like I care.

But here's the truth–I don't care how tan you are. Really. I don't.

I know that I have the voice of a white cheerleader named Tiff, but I am indeed proudly African American and from the darker end of the spectrum of my race. I've always had at least four white best friends though so I've had to hear about tanning since my social life started really.

So here are some things that I've always wanted to say to my tanorexic friends:

-You always look the same to me whether you are brown or whiter than white. You're still WHITE.
- Everyone gets darker in the sun, so please stop wowing over my tan lines. It makes you sound ignorantly racist.
- Peeling is disgusting. Please do it in the bathroom, and not on my couch.
- I have no need to be at the beach from 8 in the morning until the sun goes down so please let me sleep. I'll see you at the beach around 1.
-Never again put your arm next to mine to compare. Once again your ignorant racism is showing.
-This has nothing to do with tanning but needs to be said: PLEASE GET OVER THE BLACK THONGS UNDER WHITE SHORTS. We can see it and no one needs that on the way to work in the morning. No one.

And I'd like to end with a personal tanning story:

I'm a sucker for a sale. So naturally when I went to Duane Reade to pick up dental floss on Sunday, it's only natural that I'd come out of the store with said floss……and a new ionic hair dryer with brush and comb attatchments…..and a new bottle of Nivea lotion.

The hair dryer and the floss are treating me well.

The lotion? Things started out fabulously but now……well, the lotion, not so much.

I didn't need lotion. In fact, I have maybe three half full bottles each of Nivea and Skin Milk (my fav brands) in my bathroom at this moment. In fact, I am a little more than compulsive when it comes to bath products. If its on sale I'll buy it even if I already have it at home. This is where my cheapness becomes a little retarded since I'm buying what I don't need. But $4 for lotion or body wash or shampoo or in shower body lotion can't be passed up. At least not by me.

So not only was this lotion $4, it claimed that within a week, I would have a sun kissed glow. Mostly I just liked the smell and the packaging.

This morning, I'm in the shower and I notice all these spots on my hands. Thinking that it's dirt, I start to scrub furiously. It wasn't coming off.

I get out of the shower and dry off and tell myself not to think about it. It's just dry skin and I'll put on some lotion and clear it right up. I pick up the lotion and as I'm slathering it all over my body I glance down and actually read the label.

This is how I found out that "sun kissed glow" means SELF TANNER.

And now the only part of me that could get "tan" is splotched with light brown. This is how God teaches me not to waste.

Last 5 posts by Brandy

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