Stamped: June 12th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
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A few nights ago I went out on the town with an old friend of mine and a friend of his. It was a kind of slow Thursday night and our East Village wanderings brought us to one of my favorite city bars, Uncle Mings on Avenue B. Usually this place is wall to wall hopping but on this night it was pretty empty. There was some good reggae on and plenty of space–the perfect place to chill. My two friends, let's call them "Micah" and "Ben" and myself grab some drinks and settle in for some relaxing NYC bar time.

I should mention now that Ben is a very good-looking guy. So naturally as soon as we walk in one of the two girls at the bar comes right up to him and asks to dance. Ben politely declines and Micah and I crack up.

Cut to fifteen minutes later.

We're laughing and enjoying frosty Miller Lites and the girl comes back up to Ben. This time I get a good look at her. Pretty but nondescript face and she's wearing pleated high rise khakis with a belt. She basically looked like an ad for Casual Corner or Petite Sophisticate. But I could see that she probably got a lot of guys who saw her as a mousy librarian with an inner Wild Child. But anyway.

I could also tell that she was quite drunk from the way she was clinging to Ben to stay upright. So she's talking to Ben and Micah and I are snickering and then I hear her slur:

"What are your friends laughing about?"

Ben replies, "Oh, they're both comedians."

So she comes over and the scent of vodka and cranberry is strong as she says what everyone says when they find out you're a comedian: "If you guys are so funny, then tell me a joke."

So Micah tells her a joke and it goes like this:

Micah: "So what do you get when you put a baby in a blender?":
Girl: "What"
Micah: "An erection."

And folks, I kid you not: this girl narrowed her eyes, looked straight at Micah and said,

"Well I've had an abortion AND anorexia, so I don't think that's very funny."

And she walked away.

I nearly fell off my barstool laughing. Never in my life has such an appropriate response come at the best possible moment. I don't know what abortions and anorexia have to do with babies, blenders, and erections–I mean unless you're anorexic because you made yourself stop jacking off while drinking baby shakes made from your own aborted fetus.

But this is not the point. The point is that of the things she could have said in the face of a pretty retarded joke, she said THE BEST ONE.

Ah……babies and blenders. One for the books, one for the books.

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