decision 2007: dildo fantasies vs. honesty
Stamped: June 14th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
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Well, I did it again. Dammit to hell.
I opened my big fat mouth in pursuit of honesty. Only this time, rather than cause emotional damage to an unsuspecting receiver, I caused damage in the form of self inflicted sabotage.
Karma, you little bitch.
For well over a year my best gal pal and I have been hankering for a girls weekend. For one, we're both mothers and deserve, at the very least, a two day vacation from the chaos of home and kids. Secondly, neither of us has ever had a girls weekend. And third, and subsequently, most importantly, it would finally give us the opportunity to carouse wildly and then fuck wildly. Oh yes, I know. We're evil hell bound sluts who should not, especially as mothers and married women, be flirting with such debauchery. Shame on us, blah, blah, blah. Truth is, we've already done both, but the latter is something we've missed greatly. Besides, we both have the same fantasy of using a double headed dildo and the girls weekend would provide us the perfect chance to make that fantasy a reality. Or at least it would have been.
My husband knows my love of women and he hasn't always been accepting. But over the years he's come to realize what a fucking beautiful opportunity he has in being married to me. And one steamy night many moons ago he saw that beautiful opportunity unfold before him and he was a happy, happy man. So now, he's cool. What he's not cool with is anything he's not privy to. Meaning, I cannot under any circumstance partake in sexual acts with a woman unless he has either consented or is there. Well, for whatever reason, the man was completely naive about our girls weekend intentions. In fact, he was a main supporter in our having one because we "deserved it". I really don't believe for a second that he ever gave thought to what we might actually do together. He's absolutely an intelligent man, but when it comes to matters of immorality or sex it seems that his logic meter shuts down and he doesn't always see the obvious. Basically he really really trusts me and trusts himself. In one way, this is a blessing because he could never be the type of man to have an affair or lie to me about anything. It's simply not in him. In another way, it gives me carte blanche to be a conniving little bitch. Only, that's not me. As much as I talk about doing this or that, I'm an extremely honest person and talk to him about everything, almost to a fault as I recently learned.
So back to the girls weekend rendezvous. I don't know how the subject matter came up this weekend but I began talking about our girls weekend when out of the blue I just told him what we had planned with the dildo. Deep down I thought he had to have suspicions. There was no way he couldn't. This is ME, we're talking about. But to my amazement he was, in fact, floored. "WHAT?! Seriously?" And although he said it with a smile on his face he made it clear that the girls weekend was definitely off. In true idiot savant fashion I asked him why and he said, "because I wouldn't be there and you're not doing that without me". Well fuckity fuck. Or in this case, not. His reasonings might very well be founded in his own self gratification, but still, I owe him at least that all things considered.
Thing is, I tried to be conniving. My friend and I have known this whole time that that's what the girls weekend was really about. And we sure as hell weren't going to tell our husbands even though they both know we've dilly-dallied in some girl on girl action. The reality is we knew they wouldn't be fine and dandy with our having a sex filled weekend with each other, so it was decided that we would never tell. But guilt always finds it way to me, bloody hell. I began probing a couple weeks ago about what he thought about a married woman being with another woman. Is it cheating? Does it equate to the same immorality that a married woman sleeping with another man does? Because a lot of people don't think so. "It's different", seems to be the consensus for many men and bi-women. Only, not my man. To him, it is cheating either way. It doesn't matter that it's with a woman and bordering on the greatest fantasy ever, it's still cheating if he hasn't given the okay. And deep in down in the confines of my righteous self I knew he'd feel that way. Thus began my acquisition of honesty.
So the new agenda is going to be getting him to give the "okay". I jokingly (not really) offered to video tape it for him because he's always joked "as long as I get photos." But he wasn't having it. "No. Not unless I'm there." Either he really is a complete idiot or he's a brilliant fiend. Either way I'm on a mission and now that you, dear reader, have been acquainted with the situation you can join me on that mission should you choose to accept it: how do I convince a faithful husband to allow me to embark on a lesbian inspired weekend without his being present?
A better person might forget the sexually motivated & selfish indulgence altogether and instead focus on my husbands rights to not only me, but fidelity. But like I stated before, this is ME we're talking about. So spare the deprecating lectures.
Last 5 posts by JB
- Happy Anniversary - June 21st, 2007
- Intermission - June 7th, 2007
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- My friend Karma - May 24th, 2007
- Pirate Poonani - May 17th, 2007
honesty and guilt can be such pesky little bastards, eh?…
The issue is a tough one in situations like this.
Either you make a deal to let him be there one night on the weekend and then give you girls a night alone.
Scrap the idea.
My question is, why does he have to be there?
Is this a trust issue on his part?
Perhaps it is his insecurity that he is not good enough for you that you need this weekend with a woman and can’t let it go.
Most men can be persuaded with sex if nothing else works.
ha ha
C
Seems to me the problem is obvious: it is cheating to the extent that he thinks he could be replaced. Which is why enough marriages have ended because of bi-flings to make it a remarkable event.
He fears what is clearly a possibility- you’ll like it enough that he’ll pale in comparison. There’s no lecture in telling you that it could turn from something that turns him on into something more conventional: another person, and then, another sex life. Then, you aren’t his. He understands that beyond all morality. He feels it. The minute it
You could complain: isn’t this something he likes too? Yes, it’s great, but it’s great because it’s a risk, it’s flirting with danger. Flirting with danger brings greater rewards, but they call it “danger” because it has the INHERENT possibility of going the other way.
The problem is strictly subtle: at what point does it become something better than you have with him? Does it replace him? No, forget that- does he THINK it could?
This can go two ways: you’ll convince him and have a great time. Or, bad. And it would be partly his fault, but only because he’s a man; men are utterly flattened at having that placed before them. Like all men, he’s enchanted in the beginning by the badness of it. And, like all men, only later will he…begin to wonder.
I could be wrong. From what you’ve told me, doesn’t seem that way. Just one thing: no complaints from here on out. None. You’re walking into this with eyes open on each way it could go. No morality here, just the facts.
What the heck? I’ve always assumed the double headed dildo woman on woman business was a silly male fantasy that would never cross any woman’s mind to actually do.
I’m not convinced you’ll change his mind. If my wife did something like that with someone else without me, it would hurt my feelings, no matter how bad or good it was. I don’t see any obvious way to change that.
I think I have to agree with James to an extent: a lot of it is perception (if he thinks he can be replaced, feels threatened). I guess the question I would ask is how much is it worth? It seems the arrangement of you being able to do as you wish as long as he knows seems fine, and you mention that you two trust each other. So, is it worth it putting that trust at risk for a girls’ weekend? If it is, then I guess go for it. If not, then find a way to make it work for him and you. Anyhow, just a thought.