Stamped: June 27th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: BBW, being single, complaint dept., dating hijinks, fat chicks, internet stuff, online dating, relationships, singletons.

My attempt at online dating has opened me up to a world of different types of men that I never knew existed. Here are some of my favorites:

Low Self Esteem Guy - He's reasonably attractive, hardworking with a good job and a sweet personality. He enjoys all of the low key things that I do including fishing (anyone who knows me understands how much I long to meet someone who will humor my love of early morning road trips that end with us sitting on a rock on the water fishing while I get in a tan and use Doritos instead of worms cuz' I'm afraid of them).Our conversations seem to flow really well– so well that I consider him to be an excellent candidate for a real date and hopefully more. Then, during a conversation about our love of car sandwiches and truck stops and roadside sex on a long drive he throws in that he "probably isn't any good in bed anyway at least not compared to me or the guys I have had". What the f%ck?? The topper is when children come up and he informs me that he doesn't want kids. I think "Great!" cuz I don't either. He them tells me that the reason is because "you gotta love yourself before you can love a child properly". And when I ask "don't you love yourself??" he replied with a long pause and "not really".

Next is The Boobie Man - This guy is incredibly good looking, well dressed and has a profile that could charm the most bitter of old maids. You find yourself waiting with baited breath for his reply and are immediately overcome with visions of your perfect date, in your perfect dress at the most perfect lounge a top the city on a perfectly beautiful and clear night. You imagine him to be articulate with great manners and a naughty side that peeks through only to those worthy… like yourself. When you finally hook up on msn to chat, the first question he asks is "Can I see your boobs?” You laugh it off as a joke or his silly little way of breaking the ice and go on to ask him about himself. In place of a witty response, you are instead bombarded with a series of boobie related questions and demands: How big are your boobs? Can I see your boobs? Do you have any pics of your boobs? Seriously, show me your boobs! *sigh*

There is also the I Think He's Married Guy - This guy is sweet, sexy, unusually charming and in spite of his hectic work schedule seems to be up for regular visit s– during certain hours only of course. He chalks it up to work and responsibilities and swears that he is single. he even gives you his telephone number as a sign of good faith — his cell number that is — the one that is turned off every evening and weekend. This guy is great for your ego with impromptu calls to say "I have a little free time right now and would love to see you", but if you are unable to drop everything to meet him right then, well, the moment passes and you lose your chance because he is "just so busy" of course. This guy seems to be very open and gives you all kinds of details about his life and is super caring — between 10am and 6pm only though. Even the most man savvy gal has trouble knowing what to make of him. You think he may be married cuz' it sure does seem that way, but on the other hand he really could just be a great, sexy guy with poor time management skills or an anal way of approaching each day.

You've also got Married. Period. Guy - He is stupid enough to post his picture on his profile and state that he is married and looking for a little nookie on the side. I think it's great that someone would be up front about being married if he is wanting just sex from you, but when the profile emphasizes several times that discretion is a must, you gotta wonder why the f%ck he would post his pic if he wants to keep his extramarital affairs on the down-lo! Stupid? Crazy? Both??

Finally, one that I keep encountering is one that I have spoken of before: the Only Dates Fat Chicks Guy. I am clear about the fact that I am NOT a small girl in my profile and while I don't use the word fat; I do refer to myself as "big", "curvy" and "fuller-figured". My reasoning is that too many people are vague or just blatantly lie about their size and while we would all love to believe that size and looks don't matter, the reality is that they do. So why mislead someone or even set yourself up for a rude experience by claiming to be something that you are not and cannot hide no matter how much black you wear?! Anyhow, this type of guy seems great and loves how open you are about your love of french fries and milkshakes and your acceptance of your size. Then, when you meet this guy in person the first thing he points out is that you're "not big at all". He even seems disappointed in spite of telling you how beautiful your face is and how sexy you are. My question still stands: Not big enough FOR WHAT??? For the record, the right clothing and the way you carry yourself can spare you the appearance of about ten pounds, but it's when I'm naked that you'd really get to see me in all of my Boticelli-esque glory complete with all of my soft and magnificent rolls. But alas, you are so concerned that I may not be big enough for… well I dunno what, that you decide to move on in search of something more obviously dumpy and frumpy.

My experience with online dating as of late has been more like online shopping and met with the same approach as buying a dress on eBay. I cruise what's out there and hope it fits, but deep down am skeptical of what I'm really getting and finding myself wondering why I even bother, only to do it again the next day.

Last 5 posts by Adrie

• To Fuck Like A Man - January 17th, 2008
• A Momentary Lapse In Judgement - January 7th, 2008
• Lying To The Girl You Fuck. Fa la la la la - December 21st, 2007
• Piss Off! - December 6th, 2007
• Kiss Me I'm A "Stewardess" - November 5th, 2007