Stamped: July 18th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: complaint dept., masturbation, porn addict, spank, things to do, weight loss.

We're always hearing that men are able to lose weight at a faster rate and more easily than women which is incredibly infuriating seeing as how men tend to care less about being thin than we do. I can’t speak for all ladies, but I myself don’t mind a little bit of a gut on a guy and think it’s kinda’ hot. (Would you kick Matthew McConaughey out of bed if he got a little mushy?? I think not.)

Anyway, I just came across an article with the headline: Whacking Off The Pounds and of course was overjoyed! I make no secret of the fact that I enjoy a little—okay, a lot of self-lovin’ while watching amateur porn on YouPorn, so it’s no surprise that this headline would get my attention. As I waited for the full article to load I started to wonder: if masturbating can make you lose weight, then why the hell do I still look like a potato on stilettos?? Seriously, it’s a fucking miracle I have time to write some days!! But alas, it turns out that this jerk-off-for-weight-loss theory only applies to men—of course.

Japanese Dr. Yamanalka, claims that a man can lose a considerable amount of weight if he spanks his monkey between 3 to 5 times per day. Apparently a man can lose up to 4 kilos per week following this ‘regime’! Four f’n kilos!! How unfair is that considering I clock at least double that playin’ with my nub?!

This exercise program, which is called Onanobics, also includes different combinations you can try in order to mix it up and burn more calories. For instance, if you do it while on your knees you burn more calories than you would doing it while sitting or standing. And if you’re a true pro, (as I consider myself to be) you can burn an astounding amount of calories if you beat your meat while jogging! I jog EVERY morning!! I am sure I could easily incorporate the two, yet these benefits only apply to men! Men who are known to be incapable of multi-tasking!! Why dear God? Why?????

Maybe this is what the term ‘penis envy’ really means, cuz’ I now find myself feelin’ quite green over men and their ability to lose weight by simply playing with their winkies. Then again, going back to the men being incapable of multi-tasking thing; its kind of a wasted discovery, isn’t it?

Last 5 posts by Adrie

• To Fuck Like A Man - January 17th, 2008
• A Momentary Lapse In Judgement - January 7th, 2008
• Lying To The Girl You Fuck. Fa la la la la - December 21st, 2007
• Piss Off! - December 6th, 2007
• Kiss Me I'm A "Stewardess" - November 5th, 2007