Stamped: July 25th, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: angst, being single, body parts, complaint dept., cry for help, heartbreak, love blows, ovaries, regrets, relationships, the universe.

Yesterday morning was spent at the hospital doing a lot of waiting and worrying and more waiting. I had a follow up to check on the mess that is my uterus and admit that I have never been this worried for my own health before – very scary.

While I was waiting alongside about 10 other cranky patients; this couple made their way down the corridor and took a seat next to me. They really did wanna make us all hurl with their lovey-dovey kisses and nauseating acts of kindness towards one another, but there was something about it all that got to me.

I watched as he doted on her, and while I don’t particularly care for quite that much attention and feel that they should have toned it down given the time and place; something about seeing him there, supporting her as she waited for her test results made me want to cry.

I must mention that my lovely cousin Nat did offer to drop everything to come with me, but I tend to prefer to do these things alone — or at least thought I did. Sitting there next to that couple made me painfully aware of the fact that I was indeed quite alone. Not all of the patients with their droopy asses peeking through the hospital gowns could console me. I felt more alone than I ever had and had no one to blame but myself.

While this woman awaited some potentially devastating news; her partner did all he could to make her smile and keep her calm. From holding her hand, to kissing her forehead and telling her how beautiful she was even though she was wearing a hideous purple hospital gown; he was clear on how he felt about her and made us all clearly aware of how nice it is to be with someone who genuinely cares.

Worse than sitting alone with no more than a cup of coffee to console me was realizing that the men that I have a penchant for are the ones incapable of this kind of love—at least towards me. Her partner: by her side every step of the way. My closest thing to a partner—who isn’t really a partner at all but merely someone I hoped would be a partner: didn’t even ask how my appointment went.

How is it that a loving girl with some truly great examples of what a union should be, ends up settling for less than what she has always wanted? Is this payback for not wanting kids? The uterus issues and that mushy couple seemed to be some sort of spear to the heart from God, possibly punishing me for being so upfront about not liking children. I guess much like all the old ladies in my family; God also doesn’t think that a good marriage should be in the cards for a woman who doesn’t plan to have kids anyway! Or was this some slap across the face/wake up call from the universe reminding me of what I really do want in a man? Either way, it got my attention.

And for those that are wondering: I’m going to be fine.

Last 5 posts by Adrie

• To Fuck Like A Man - January 17th, 2008
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• Lying To The Girl You Fuck. Fa la la la la - December 21st, 2007
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