Stamped: August 22nd, 2007 | Toggle Similar
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I saw this and it brought up every single weird uncomfortable feeling I ever had as an eleven-year-old being forced to learn about periods. There were the awkward sex ed sessions in gym class which lucky for me was taught by my neighbor. So I got to listen to her tell me about sex, test me for scoliosis, and THEN I got to rake her leaves. Lovely. There were also all of the equally embarrassing seminars my mom made me go to with my Girl Scout troop in which we were all required to sit in a circle and tell the group what "being a woman means to me."

So when I was aimlessly internet surfing this weekend and I came across this, you can see why I had to post it.

One of my pet peeves is when people try to make something cool for kids' sakes. Kind of like the dancing veggies who proclaim how happy and healthy they'll make you, or Macgruff the crime dog telling kids how fun it is to just say no. Personally, I think that we should just tell kids the truth–go ahead and jade them. If I were a lecturer at a middle school this is how my "Welcome to Reality" speech would go:

"Hi girls. I'm Brandy. And I'm here to let you know that periods are NOT cool and interesting. In fact, having one really sucks and as soon as you hit 16 I recommend birth control so at least then you'll only get the red monster for three days which will make only three days a month in which you won't really be having sex."

"Drugs are awesome. I'm not saying give them a try now–middle school isn't the best place to cultivate a drug habit. Wait until you get a little money in your pocket so that you can get premium stuff. Don't settle for the dime bags that kid sells in the eighth grade boys bathroom."

"Boys suck. They always will. Ladies I know you think he loves you. He doesn't. He just wants to touch your developing breasts and he wants you to touch his developing penis. It's okay to do these things. But just don't fool yourself into thinking he wants anything else. And please make sure that you're letting more than one boy touch your boobs. Very important to keep those options open."

This is probably why I've never been asked to speak at a middle school.

Last 5 posts by Brandy

• Hell House - November 9th, 2007
• 36 going on 11 - October 9th, 2007
• College was a good time. - September 25th, 2007
• I'm the easiet girl ever to break up with - September 18th, 2007
• Christmas Lights - August 28th, 2007